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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

I have so mucn love to give ....

Lancashirelass1
Posted by

Hi Geoff 

I am writing this as a “dog” person rather than a  cat person

I think a dog will be excellent for you , as therapy for you and the dog, and helping you to get out and about.When you walk a dog most other walkers will stop and talk, sometimes they are the only peak to all day

As well as general rescue centres, research breed specific ones. My pug came from a Pug Welfare charity,she had been used for breeding purposes and was rejected by the breeder in favour of French Bulldogs as they could sell those for more money.

She came with her own baggage at 5 years old, she doesn’t like to walk long distances, understandable if she has been caged for years, she hates dogs on the tv,  but the love and joy she gives to my life is immeasurable 

Happy to forward names of pug rescue societies if you want

Best wishes 

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear  Lancashirelass1

Thanks for your sharing your experience. It's more for me to consider. I'm still up in the air as to whether I could home a cat or a dog.We had a Westie for 12yrs so I'm pretty dog clued up. But there has also been the odd occasion as to whether I should do it at all. Anne's been gone 6 months now and I've become so mentally exhausted coping with the  grief attacks I get plus Anxiety/Panic attacks that I'm not only sleeping in late every mornings - sometimes till 10am - but wondering just how fare that would be on any furry friend I home at the moment. Perhaps Im just clutching at straws ? 

Love and Light 

Geoff.

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Lancashirelass1
Posted by

Hi Geoff,

I think it’s good that you are considering the pros and cons.

I understand about sleeping in might not be fair on either a cat or dog because of the grief attacks,this might sound trite but why not wait til at least the spring, we all feel better when the days are longer and more mild

Perhaps consider an older dog, there are a lot of older dogs of all rescue breeds overlooked because of their age, some just want to potter about at a slow pace, and they always seem so grateful when they are rescued as they can spent a longer time than average in kennels. They also come ready house trained usually!

Best Wishes

MelanieL
Posted by

Hi Dalia and all,

Thank you for saying that I offer a wonderful support here on the forum and that you think I will do the same when working with the dying. That's very good and indeed encouraging to hear.

As for your experience with nurses, I have found the same. Some people say that the nurses are only doing their job and that sure they won't remember us because we were just one patient and just one relative, but I haven't found this to be true at all. Only shortly before Christmas I met up with one of the nurses who is working on the Day Ward where Paul and I attended so regularly and we had a lovely evening and chatted about all sorts of things and I think she was genuinely interested in of course Paul's and my story but also in me and what I am trying to do with the hospitals. Only very few nurses I have met so far saw this as merely their job.

I think it's great that you want to help the ward. I think nowadays any help our system can get is so very important.

When you feel that you couldn't be with the dying right now, then don't surround yourself with the dying. You have to feel physically and emotionally and even mentally strong enough for it. I have always felt the urge to work with the dying but certainly this feeling became stronger when Paul passed away. I used to work in a hospice when I was only 21 and, even then, I didn't find death or dying frightening or difficult to witness. But we are all different and I think it is very important to do what you do: to reflect on whether or not it is right for us or not before we embark on such a journey.

Love, Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.