Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

I have so mucn love to give ....

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear All

I'm a very affectionate and loving man. But since losing my darling soul mate Anne I miss our company, our cuddles and our love so much. So as bazaar  as this might seem I've decided to home a rescue dog, or a dog that someone  can no longer look after. Anne and I once had a West Highland White Terrier whom we both  loved so much. He was my best mate, but only because I walked him lol, yet loved us both  unconditionally. We cuddled and played so much together. Perhaps I can continue expressing the love I have for my  Anne by sharing it with a doggie companion. Yet another soul that I can look after whilst I continue my earth walk. I looked at my Annes photo before I posted this and I got the good vibes that said 'Go for it Geoff. We will meet again one day my love.'

Love and Light 

Geoff 

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Wildcat
Posted by

Doesn't sound bizzare to me at all, quite the opposite. It will give you so much and you will give a dog a much needed home. 

Look to the moon.
My life ended with my soul mate on January 22nd 2018. Can't imagine any future
Ruby Diamond
Posted by

That is fantastic Geoff

We adopted a Siberian Husky through a rescue group back in May. As you say she needed love and a home and we had love to give. She has given us company, a reason to get up and lots of love and laughter..

Good luck finding a suitable companion

  • Ruby diamond x
Lavender1969
Posted by

Hi Geoff, 

I am ever so pleased for you :)

That's a wonderful idea and the best thing you can possibly do in your current situation. The doggie will have a loving home and you will have a company you desperately need. Is there any rescue centre nearby? When are you planning to visit one? Please, keep us updated, how you get on :) I cannot wait!

I wish you the best of luck searching for a fury mate. 

Love

  • Andrea xxx
Den1968
Posted by

Brilliant idea Geoff, I’d hate to think how I’d be without my Monty (border terrier) 

will certainly give you a sense of purpose back and give some little lost soul some much needed love, 2 legs or 4 legs we all need it.

keep us updated

Dennis

Knuzery
Posted by

Such a good idea Geoff.


We lost one of our dogs four weeks before my husband died and our second dog collapsed and died six weeks after.  From a busy house the house now has no life.  I intend to get a new puppy this year and look forward to hearing about your dog, our hearts just stretch that little bit to let another one in.

Edwina.

Dalia
Posted by

Dear Geoff,

This is exactly how I feel. Recently someone said to me:" Everyone needs someone to love and be loved". I'm also very affectionate, caring and have lots of love to give. I can't imagine myself getting into any romantic relationship, that doesn't interest me at all, but finding a different kind of love is very much something that I'm thinking about. So, I'm also considering getting myself a dog. Seven years ago I got my mum a maltese and he completely transformed her life. She was lonely, her friends slowly either moved away, died or became ill and  she hardly left the house. Since this little. lovely dog entered her life she is so much happier, she goes on walks which keeps her fit, met a great new friend just because our dog has chosen this other lady's dog as his girlfriend, which is so sweet.  I think this beautiful dog gave my mum a new lease of life and now I'm more and more sure that this is something I need too. 

I think of a paw as a new purpose. Something to care about, cuddle and love, and force us to do things that we don't really feel like doing and will not do if we were alone - like going for walks, get up in the morning, leave the house, lough. Perhaps as Andrea said in another post, that's better than any counseling. 

Grief took us on its horrible journey without the itinerary - we don't know what is ahead, how many bumps on the road we would hit, we don't know whether tomorrow will be a good or a bad day, many of us don't know where we are going or what will become of us. This is why we all need a little help to make this horrific journey, that none of us wanted to be on, a bit more bearable - and maybe a furry, loving companion is just what we need.

Dalia xx

I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.


MelanieL
Posted by

Hi all,

I too am a very caring and affectionate person and, as much as I loved our cuddles and hugs, I do miss having someone to care for as well, someone to protect. I cannot imagine getting into a romantic relationship. I belong with Paul. So a pet would be the only option, even though I am not sure it would be right. A kitten perhaps... But a different kind of love, as therapist or volunteer for the dying for example, that feels more right somehow. 
Love, Mel

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.
winmick
Posted by

Hi Geoff. I think that’s a great idea about getting a dog. I got one about 5 weeks ago , he was a rescue dog a jack russell and is 6 years old he follows me everywhere and I really love him. He is great company and gives me a reason to get up and go out for a walk. 

I hope you do get one and he is as good for you as mine is for me. 

Let me know how you get on. 

Take care   

Mike. 

Love you always Winnie xx
Dalia
Posted by

Hi Melanie,

I think it is very admirable to find a different kind of love as a therapist or volunteer for dying. You offer a wonderful support to everyone on this forum and you will do the same as therapist or volunteer.

I also admire the nurses. I went to see them just before Christmas to say thank you for everything they have done for me and Danny during our 6 weeks stay. I thought I would be ill and my hands were shaking but seeing them was so lovely and they were genuinely pleased to see me too. I will now raise the money for their ward in particular to improve patients/their family stay. 

Getting a dog or a pet is not for everybody but I feel it is for me. I also feel that I'm not strong enough at the moment to be surrounded by dying. Emotionally this would be too hard for me. I need to help myself first and be OK in order to be of any use to others. I feel I'm so far off. I need a little ray of happiness to light up my day and at the moment I feel the dog will help me to get that.

Dalia xx

I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.


Newb
Posted by

Yes Geoff they do help a lot always up to something or mine are .good to take them for a walk as you don't feel the odd one out which helps a lot as most people walk there dog on there own

Ian
Needing friends
Posted by

Hi Geoff, I too think getting a dog is a great idea. I met a man who had suffered clinical depression for years who had adopted a dog. He said it had helped him more than any medication he had ever had. I realise your situation is a bit different, but I do think it will be helpful 

Geoff999
Posted by

Hi everyone. 

Thanks again for all your kind support and encouragement regarding a  rescue dog. 

I'm now having to think this through more carefully. You see, as some of you already know, I'm 74. Do I get a dog that needs walking at least twice a day? What if that little creature has a life span of maybe 8yrs +.  Will I always be able to do this? I mean when you get old nobody knows the physical effect it may have.  So I thought about  adopting a rescue cat who are far more independent. I have a large garden so I could let the cat out during the day to have a roam around. 

Does anybody have any experience of adopting a cat rescue or even has a cat of their own? 

Love and Light 

 Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Squeaky
Posted by

Hello Geoff

Perhaps you might remember me from chatting on the Pancreatic Cancer forum. I pop in here from time to time but don’t often post.

It is a nice idea to have a pet for company and I know many people enjoy having a dog or cat or some other animal.

I am a cat person and have had cats for the past 35+ years. They are pretty independent as you say although they do need fed! I have four cats just now. Three are rescue animals and the fourth is a pedigree. They all live inside but I’ve got a pretty big house.

When you rescue an animal you don’t really know their personality but most rescue cats will settle in reasonably well.

If you haven’t had a cat before you might want to think whether this is the right time to get one. They don’t need walked but they do need attention and sometimes it’s on their terms. Over the years I have had eleven cats. All have been fine but only three have ever sat on my lap! 

Do you have a friend who has a cat? It might be worth chatting over the care of a cat.

I am not trying to put you off. More to try to help you decide.

Squeaky

Ruby Diamond
Posted by

Hi Geoff

The fact you are honestly considering all the options and I think any rescue centre would be happy for you to adopt. 

If you have any rescue centres near you, ring them and have a chat or pop along. They are there to help and advise. They will be able to talk you through the differences between adopting cats or dogs. They will also find a suitable companion for your lifestyle.

Good luck 

  • Ruby diamond x