First, I would like to wish everyone on here a peaceful 2020. May this year be as good as it can be for us all.
I have to say that the Christmas and New Year’s celebrations with my family were really enjoyable; however, I do feel that a lot of the magic has gone out of things, nothing is quite as beautiful now that my Paul isn’t here anymore.
I was doing fine until, this morning, Paul popped up in so many Facebook memories and it made me long for him so much.
Then I thought about the fact that I will go home on Monday and that I will be alone again and that I don’t have many bookings for the first week yet and I felt scared and groundless. What is my life about?
And then I remembered one time when Paul had said to me that he would love to know that, after his death, I would move close to my family. I suddenly felt this overwhelming regret at the lost opportunities to discuss it all: what I would do after his death, where I would live, what to do with his things... It would have been so good for both of us. We used to talk about everything. But then, suddenly, the talking stopped as the illness demanded all our attention and energy. It feels like a sudden break. I am finding it hard to describe all this. It is just so unbelievably sad that we owe always spoke about everything were suddenly and able to communicate properly and now will never again be able to do so.
Love and leid to every One,
Just wanted to say please don't find it hard to describe things to the group, you've just said quite well a lot of how I'm feeling.
I'm sure many on here feel the same I certainly do.
I had a fairly good few days with the family too, but still felt sad and as you say the joy has gone.
Keep writing I'm sure it helps and know we feel largely the same and understand.
Hi there, I can identify with just about everything yo have said. It's was so difficult to talk about the afterwards x
I'm so pleased you enjoyed some of Christmas and the New Year. That is real progress and will give others hope.
My Christmas and New Year has mostly been attending doctor and hospital appointments with my youngest son. He managed to break his leg twice and is now back in hospital with the wound being infected. What a worry and horrible being back in the hospital where my husband was diagnosed.
I wanted to completely agree with you though about not chatting about the afterwards. How could we, it was too painful.
But now I wonder if he would be cross that all his clothes are where he left them but the big question is should I continue living in our house once our children move out??
I suppose it's something else I will have to work out for myself.
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