Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Feel like things are getting worse not better

Posted by

I’m posting this as I seem to have found myself in a really unhappy place over the last 2 months in particular - and don’t feel I can talk to my daughters (24 & 26) nor my mother in law - nor can I talk to the lady I’ve been seeing for the last 3 months - I’ve been living in a real no mans land in-between them all. I feel so confused, conflicted and lost - 20 months in now. I don’t seem able to have certainty in anything at the moment , all my emotions seem overwhelmed by panic and sadness - I’m so scared of making wrong decisions. 

Im going to try for more counselling - although not sure my last counselling helped that much

I’m considering putting this new relationship on hold for a while until I know my own mind a bit more - but I don’t want to hurt the person and I do care deeply for her and enjoy her company - I’m finding it impossible to call it love though and that really bothers me 

It frightens me that I feel so out touch and indecisive with my emotions 


Posted by

Hi Steve,

Sorry to hear things are not going too well. Counselling sounds like a good idea. Are you still talking to your sister and your girls' godmother?

Whether this new relationship is right for you or not is something only you can determine. I am concerned that you may be alienating yourself further by calling it day with this new lady for your family. I may be wrong?

Dating can be complicated at the best of times. In any case, you should take your time. I always say take "baby steps" and that you don't have to label relationships. Love may or may not come with time. Or you may gain a very good friendship. How does this new lady make you feel? Only you know. Just make sure what you decide is right for you.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx