Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Feeling so upset & angry

jojowest
Posted by

Dear All 

I do hope you all mamaged to get through Christmas x 

I went to my son & daughter in law with their 3 children well two adults & one near teenager. I agree they were all very kind to me & dinner was lovely.

I just felt it was meant very kindly to have me round but they're usual Christmas is with her Mum & Dad & sisters & grandchildren & I heard a comment " next year we will go back to the other Nan" it's only for this year. You can imagine how I felt.Our youngest son gave up his Christmas Day to be with me & his wife was fine with it. I just feel I am being suffered my grown up grandchildren didn't even buy me a Christmas Card. I am feeling very sad & dejecteted. I mentioned it to a friend & they said they all have their families so don't get possessive over them they have their own lives.

I spent time with the middle son & his family & it was lovely but they went to her family Saturday & Sunday so I haven't seen anyone last couple of days. 

My darling was in the Hospice this time last year & passes on the 11th January so I am reliving every bit & overthinking it is make me so ill I am having panic attacks just been to the Drs & got some tablets so hopefully they will help just wish my kids would be more thoughtful but as I was told they are grieving too so I must not think it's just me. 

So unhappy 

love to you all 

jojo

Geoff999
Posted by

Dear Jojo 

Nobody suffers grief more than the partner or spouse left behind. Remember they were a close team, lovers, best friends. The love of each others  lives. Children grieve in their own way and despite the upsets its a different kind of grief. Remember they left home and started new lives. They now have everything we have lost even a shoulder to cry on.  So without any intent they can appear stronger and more self centred in their perspective of the situation. Their view is perhaps more pragmatic and down to earth. And grandchildren like all kids or young people tend to live in a world of their own - much of it on the internet these days. Sadly much of our intensive grieving has to be done alone. And I too find over thinking situations just makes it worse. (( Hugs)) 

Love and Light 

Geoff

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

jojowest
Posted by

Dear Geoff 

Thank you for your reply I feel Ike you , that it is a different sort of grief when your husband or wife dies we are completely alone. I have lost both my parents & a daughter so I have experienced different pain but this is so different & painful than any other grief but agree we have to deal with it alone they will not understand until ..... Oh dear as you can probably tell I think I am rather down at the moment & with New Year coming it's just getting on top of me. 

I don't think I will be invited anywhere for the evening or evenNew Years day so probably just for the best .

sorry for my outburst but very sad & lost don't really know what to do with myself

love from 

jojo 

winmick
Posted by

Dear Geoff. Everything in your last post is so true. I have 3 adult sons two in uk one in Ireland, I moved to Ireland a few years ago. They have a different grief than us , they all have there own life to live. No one even our children can’t understand the grief we are going through, only people on here can understand that. It has been just over 5 months for me now but yesterday felt I was right back at the beginning again , I had that what’s the point in it feeling again , but today is another day. And yes sadly we have to do our intense grieving alone. 

Thinking of you all at this time of year. 

Mike 

Love you always Winnie xx
winmick
Posted by

Hi jojo please don’t be sorry for your outburst, that is what we are all here for. I will be on my own as well and probably have a few drinks with myself and go to bed about 11 and hopefully sleep through it all. 

If if you are feeling lonely tonight ( sorry that’s a stupid thing to say ) come on to the forum there will always be someone here for you. 

Take care. Mike 

Love you always Winnie xx
Ruby Diamond
Posted by

JoJo

I hear you.

All over the festive period I have struggled to say Happy Christmas. Happy!!! I don't think I will be ever again.

Happy New Year. No thank you. It feels to be taking me further away from my husband. Today will be the last time I can think he died last year, tomorrow he will have died 2 years ago!!!! How awful for us left alone.

I still have my children at home, but my mood is such that I feel to have not made it a great Christmas for them. Left up to me I don't think I would have bothered. Last Christmas, our first without Rob I did everything the same and this year I couldn't find the energy to do much. 

A pal said she would come and have a drink with me at my house tonight, I can't go out as my son broke his leg on 19th Nov and again on 6th Dec so that's been a very worrying time. I told her not to bother. I won't be much company. 

Look after yourself

  • Ruby diamond x
jojowest
Posted by

Yes that probably my plan couple of drinks then bed. Thank you all for being so kind & understanding I know I am not alone now. I probably will come on the forum good idea. 

Thank you all 

jojowest
Posted by

Thank you for your understanding words. Sorry to hear about your son do hope he makes a full recovery very soon

love jo jo

Lavender1969
Posted by

Hi All, 

As many of us here, I hope, today will be over as quickly as possible and the best it can for all of us. I try to take today just as any other day. Done bits around the house, loaded the washing machine, tided up a cupboard in the kitchen just to take my mind of. Will go to bed at my normal time and hope, I will sleep through the night. 

Every year on New Year's Eve we would have breakfast together before he goes to work. His favorite poached eggs on toast with bacon, saussage and mushrooms. Then he would go to work to do a New Year's eve dinner party. He would come home around 11.40 pm, so we could say Happy New year to each other with a glass of elderflower presse, then  we would have a cheese board whilst watching the fire works on TV. Perhaps for many does not sound exciting, but we liked being together just own our own with no fuss.

It is just over 5 month since I lost him and I still find myself in a disbelief, that he is gone forever. I really don't know, how I survived.

I may not post here often, but I do read the posts every day and feel for all of us. This forum has become part of my every day life. I am very thankful, we have this place just for US, where we can express all our feelings, where there's always someone who replies and cheers us up, where everyone understands.

Take care all. 

Love xxx

Andrea

  • Andrea xxx
jojowest
Posted by

Hi Andrea.

we used to celebrate but had such bad years since the last few years. First our daughter died then Malc was diagnosed & started chemo then last year he was in the Hospice so it's been awful so I guess this year will just be me couple of scotches early bed.wake up when it's all over.

love to you take care xxx

Lavender1969
Posted by

Hi jojowest, 

I am sorry to hear about your losses. I cannot imagine, how hard it must be to lose a child too. We didn't have children. We only had each other and my family lives abroad. 

I hope, you manage tonight. Just post here anytime and someone will reply to you. This forum is always here full of kind a understanding people. 

Sending you my love to you too. 

Will be thinking of you. 

Andrea xxx

  • Andrea xxx
jojowest
Posted by

Thank you Andrea

Im sure I will be back later on. Had to tell you one of our sons just popped in with our Grandson such a lovely surprise. When they left we just had a hug & a kiss & said to each other Next Year . It was lovely  xxxxx

feel so much happier now. Strange the smallest things mean so much. 

I will be back later 

Thankyou xx

Lavender1969
Posted by

Jojowest,

Yes, it's such a true. The smallest things mean so much. I am glad, you had your family arround and most importantly, their visit, kiss and hugs made you feel better

Love 

Andrea xxx

  • Andrea xxx