Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Dating again (online)

occupation2heal
Posted by

I’d be really interested to hear people’s thoughts on this. I was idly looking at a well know dating site yesterday evening, out of curiosity more than anything else. I was encouraged to see profiles of nice sounding men. It made me think that maybe I could meet someone else ( as Mike said he hoped I would) one day.... 

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
Glostp
Posted by

Hi Alison.

Difficult question whilst something to take the edge off the loneliness seems fine, for me right now that's not an option.

I've pretty much known Amanda  all my life, I met her when she was 14, at 15 we had become best friends, and remained so for the next few years. At 17, we became a couple and at 21 we were married.

It's been a relationship of sharing and doing everything  together, so in short she has been my entire life. For me I cant imagine being with anyone else but that's me and it's still raw having only lost her 5 month ago.

Frankly I don't want to replace her, in fact I'm sure for me she was a one off a unique person and we were in every way soul mates.

I don't want to put a damper on your dating, everyone is different I thought I could never be alone I'm used to being in a relationship, but right now it's not for me.

So if it feels right go for it. We each must do what's right for us.

Gary.

Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.
Owl58
Posted by

Go for it. Life’s too short and experience of a great loving relationship is the best recommendation for further happiness. 

occupation2heal
Posted by

Thanks for getting back to me Gary. It’s just something I’m thinking about. My head tells me it’s too soon but my heart longs to love and be loved.

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
occupation2heal
Posted by

Thanks Owl, life does indeed feel short. 

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
Owl58
Posted by

You can’t replace him. Why would you. How can you ever replace the wonderful person you loved lived laughed and cried with. How could anyone ever know the you that you are for all those years. He knew me and I knew him. But he has gone and he will not becoming back. I will hold him in my heart forever and every day will bring reminders of us. But the heart has room for many people and if you can find a new love then grab it with both hands and be happy. Find a new love that will know you as you are now and cherish you. Please don’t give up on new love     Be careful who you give your heart to but be open to it. I wish you all the luck in the world and will expect an invite to your wedding. Maybe one day I will invite you to mine  

Dutsie
Posted by

Hi Alison,

My husband too would want me to find a different kind of happiness and at 46 years old he would not have wanted me to stay alone. In fact he was 46 when I met him following his loss of partner to cancer. If he could find a different kind of happiness then why not me?

I think the key is to take things slowly, like with any relationship, and see where it takes you.

I was asked out by someone around six months after my husband's death. My reaction to it said it all. I felt very uncomfortable, at that time, and so I declined. The guy in question, was not aware of my situation but did give me the option to let him know when I was ready. I thought I was ready last month but then the first year anniversary, this month, started playing on my mind. The poor chap did not know where he stood with me!

Anyway, I am not sure really if I am ready now but glad I dipped my toes in the dating scene.  I think first time is always going to be challenging.....but I would still go for it if I could start again!!!

I have said the following before. I do believe in a different kind of happiness - whether it is sharing your life with someone else or being on your own.  The first year has been had been a rollercoaster of emotions however, I am starting to now feel ready to move more positively going forward.  My focus is now to get healthier. The first year has certainly taken its toll on me both emotionally and physically, regardless of my positive outlook in general.  And then maybe I will be able to make the most of any future dates, I hope.

I also hope it works out for you...

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Owl58
Posted by

This might be a really stupid question but did you get a giraffes head as an emoji. If you didn’t ignore me if you did sorry but my text skills are crap. I still believe new love is precious giraffes head or not. 

occupation2heal
Posted by

Yes I did get a giraffes head but didn’t think anything of it! It was rather cheery actually, like your messages xx 

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
occupation2heal
Posted by

Thank you Dutsie. I think slowly is good advice. I can be inclined to rush....

Hope 2020 is good for you. Looking after yourself is an excellent plan. I hope that will include more of your wonderful poetry xx

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
Owl58
Posted by

It was so big. No idea where I got it from. Perhaps it’s an omen. Go for men with big necks that are vegans. Or big tongues!! Love you all and here’s to another year.  

Dutsie
Posted by

You guys, Owl58 (with giraffe) and Alison, made me smile from the heart. Thank you X

updated 30/12/2019

A silly limmerick - love the fact that we can cry and also laugh together on this site x

There once was a vegan giraffe 

Who slept with an owl for a laugh 

The very next day 

They both went away

When I think of it now I still laugh

occupation2heal
Posted by

You made me laugh out loud Owl, which was hugely welcome. Long eyelashes might be another feature to watch out for ! Xx

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm
Wildcat
Posted by

I can't imagine going on dating sites or actually finding a man to marry at all. I find it interesting when people say that their spouse said they hoped they would find someone else. We never discussed it but I honestly can't imagine my husband saying that. 

That said it's an individual decision and what is right for one isn't for someone else and I would never condemn anyone who does differently from me.

Look to the moon.
My life ended with my soul mate on January 22nd 2018. Can't imagine any future
jojowest
Posted by

I find it very difficult to agree. My darling husband was my life he understood me completely when I got angry he taught me to understand other people's feelings I am eternally grateful for what he taught me. I will try & carry on being the same kind person as he was. So how can I ever meet anyone like him on a dating site ? Impossible. I am not saying I don't agree but at this moment in time it's not for me.

i do need friendship but not just yet. We knew each other so well I can't ever imagine trusting anyone ever again the way we loved & trusted each other.

Its early days for me . This time last year my husband was taken to the Hospice & there he stayed until he died .I am reliving it all now which is not doing me any good. I am so so very upset I will probably have a stiff scotch & go to bed. That's where I am safe .

thinking of you all jojo x