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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

How Time Passes

MelanieL
Posted by

Hi everyone,

Today I had a bit of free time on my hands and decided to go through my email inbox and tidy it up. I have the habit of keeping emails which hold some information I would like to keep and remember there, rather than writing the information into my phone or somewhere else down, and I also keep emails from this forum that mean a lot to me. The inbox was very full an so I decided to go through everything and see what needed to go and what I really wanted to keep.

What struck me was how long I have already been a member of this wonderful group, how many message exchanges I have had, and how I am today compared to one and a half years ago or even six months ago. Isn't it amazing how time passes? Reading through the posts also made me aware of how many members I have seen on this group, and also the fact that from some of them who were very active around the time I joined I haven't heard in a long time and I was wondering how they are all doing and hoping they are all okay.

If I had to summarise in one sentence what has happened for me during that year - I mean the thing that makes me most feel the difference between the person I was back then and the person I am now - I would say that it is that I have learned to accept my situation and have become used to my life as it is now. I can't even say whether it is a good or a bad, it just Is what it Is. But many parts of it are actually good. Of course I miss Paul. And there are good days and bad days, sometimes it is only a matter of moments when one moment I feel great and the next moment I feel heart-broken. And I still go through rounds of remembering how it all happened in the last night of Paul's life in hospital and, from previous posts, you may remember that there are particularly three interactions with Paul I will always remember because they have touched my heart so deeply. But over all I am doing okay. And I know that I have learned a lot about myself and about other people and about caring for a loved one and also about how to look after myself and be good to myself in the most painful of situations.

This forum has become such an important part of my life. I love reading your posts, sharing my experience with you, helping if I can, and knowing that there are people on here who really care, know what it is like and to whom I can reach out when I feel the need to.

Love and hugs to everyone,

Mel.

I don't like the term "moving on" because it sounds to me like we are leaving our loved ones and the life we had with them behind. I like the term "moving forward" as it implies that, while life goes on, our loved ones are still with us in our hearts and minds. 

mobility
Posted by

Hi

I too in ways like looking back, only to realise how far i have come. I dont think any of us feel quite the same person we were a few short years ago. in fact im deffinately not, i recently walked away from a job ive been doing for over 17 years just because i couldnt get over the way they handled one of the worst times ive had in my life so far. i am now working in the hospital. we just built a new one so its not the same building he passed away in but my stomach still sinks with certain phone calls. i figure if i can help even one person have a better day then im doing ok .

life is like a patio door, you never know which side is open and you walk into the glass

Steveb212
Posted by

Hi Mel, 

Your post resonated with me. I remember joining these forums about five years ago and I still drop in now and then. I think even after five years I like to be with people who have shared the same experiences if only in an online capacity.

I joined Macmillan in the lymphoma and carer forums and hastily skipped past the bereaved one thinking thank God I’m not in there until one day I was. At the time and still now it’s probably the only place where other people “get it”  

Every time I log in I often wonder what happened to the other people who kindly interacted with me. So much good advice in one place. This little corner of the forum where nobody wants to end up was probably the best place to end up. the irony hey?

I have always found that you get the best help from people who have been through similar experiences. People in real life mean well but losing a spouse seems actually quite uncommon speaking as a guy in his forties.  

Anyway, thanks for the post and to all who have suffered recent losses, stay put, this forum helps a lot.

,

Steve