Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

My husband died last week

Georgeharry
Posted by

Good morning everyone, I lost my husband a week ago. From diagnosis to passing was just three weeks. I'm totally in shock and denial. Everyone thinks I'm being very strong. I'm frightened to break down because I don't think I will ever stop. I'm glad I've found this group.

Newb
Posted by

I'm sorry for your loss this is a good place to find some sort of comfort if you can call it that most of us on here seem to be in tears every day so let it flow shout and scream  have a rant on here but always be kind to yourself it hurts like hell but there will always be someone on here to help if they can

Ian
Georgeharry
Posted by

Thank you so much...did it hit you straight away I'm worried I'm not reacting appropriately...perhaps the funeral will bring it home to me x

Ruby Diamond
Posted by

I'm so sorry for your lost and the speed of it all. You must be so shocked.

Please do whatever you feel you need to do, nobody grieves the same way.

Hopefully you will feel able to speak freely on this page, we all do our best to support each other.

I hope you have family and friends looking after you.

  • Ruby diamond x
Georgeharry
Posted by

Thank you Ruby ...we have 5 children two of which live fairly close to me and are all being wonderful as are friends ...I'm just so very numb x

Newb
Posted by

It is shock initially I cried but going through radiotherapy myself it didn't hit me for about a week then I just went into meltdown but we all react differently 

Ian
Lavender1969
Posted by

Hi Georgeharry, 

I am sorry to hear, you had to join our group, but at the same time its the best thing you've done. 

I have lost my husband in July. There was only 16 days between the diagnosis and him passing. Just over four months on I am still in shock as we tought, he was healthy until the first symptoms appeared.

I hope, you find some kind of comfort on this forum as we all do. 

Take care of yourself and don't try to hold your feelings back. 

Love

Andrea x

  • Andrea
Georgeharry
Posted by

I think thats what might happen to me x

Georgeharry
Posted by

Thank you Andrea yes that's the same as Colin so fit. Four weeks ago he was walking the dogs twice a day and gardening....just can't get my head around it x

Lavender1969
Posted by

We were working in our garden, when he first complaint of the pain. I wish, he had never mentioned to his GP as he sent him home with muscle strain and told him to take painkillers. He was on them for six weeks before they sent him for blood test and scan. You can imagine, how angry I was. He went to hospital straight from work, after he was told, his results were back and he never came out again. 

Andrea

  • Andrea
Dutsie
Posted by

I am so sorry to hear of recent loss and so suddenly. It is natural for your mind to protect from the pain so early on. I felt numb and in denial, at first, too.

Everyone deals with things differently and in their own time. So, please do not be hard on yourself. I have learnt not to have any expectations and to be kind to myself. Whatever stage of grief you are at there is always someone listening here.

With lots of love,

Dutsie Xx

Georgeharry
Posted by

That is exactly what happened to my husband told it was muscle strain 3 times by the doctor we had to insist on investigations bloods and urine came back clear. Ultrasound picked up lump. CT scan brought the devastating diagnosis Pancreatic cancer which had already spread to bile ducts liver and lymph nodes. He went in on the 1st November to have stents fitted to drain bile which failed. He never cane out either. So very shocking. Thank you for sharing your husband's story. X

Glostp
Posted by

Dear Georgeharry my wife passed 4 months today, she seemed ok last Christmas, but had a stroke and heart attack which later we learnt was due to blood clots from the tumour.

Like you it turned out to be Pancreatic she had liver pain later which was due to secondaries, I nursed her totally from discovering leisions in the liver to finding the cause at a CT scan which was pancreatic. It was devastating to be told it was terminal and nothing could be done.

I feel we were lucky to manage about three and a half months, we went straight on a far away holiday and she was still mobile so we did many things and made many memories. A month later she was struggling to get around and we used a travel wheelchair but carried on travelling and doing everything possible.

Slowly she became more reliant on me for almost everything, till I could no longer manage She kept her appetite throughout, but became weaker and thinner as it took hold. We flew home from our final adventure that day and she died at home the following day.

Cancer is so indescriminate I feel we made the most of our situation and feel so fortunate that we had those last few months together in relative good health considering the outcome.

It seems pancreatic is amongst the worst the fastest and the most aggressive, I hear do many having it these days.

My heart felt wishes go out to everyone on here, apologies for repeating this in part as I've mentioned it before.

It gives me some comfort to tell the story I only wish I never had to.

Love to all.

Gary.

Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.
Georgeharry
Posted by

Thank you Gary for sharing your story ....I really feel I've missed out on spending time with Colin because he was taken so very quickly so much left undone....it's a truly dreadful disease ...Linda x

occupation2heal
Posted by

I agree with what others have said. There’s no right way and everyone has an individual response. Like you I was a bit worried I wasn’t ‘doing it right’ at first. I didn’t cry very much and everyone thought I was ‘amazing’ and ‘strong’. Now 10 weeks in I feel very different ( worse I’m afraid) but this forum has been an invaluable source of support so I hope you find it helpful too.

Alison 
Trying to be like the tree that bends with the wind and rain and thus weathers the storm