Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Realisation this is forever?

Posted by

It will be 4 months this week, it's certainly not getting any better. I have this awful realisation I'm not going to see my beloved Amanda again not In this life.

I so want to be able to engage with her, I talk but there is no answer, that longing to hold her it's eating away at me. I don't think I thought about it much these last few months, think I was stunned, in shock. But slowly that I'm never going to see her again realisation is setting in.

I've tried to be normal to but it eats away at you and whilst some things are ok many things are not places pictures memories they often set me off and not a day goes by without wet eyes or worse.

I know from reading here many of you feel this way, I found a particularly nice picture from about 4 years back she just looks so well, younger, so pretty, and to think how things changed so quickly. It's really upset me today, I'm sitting here feeling what is it all for.

I would love to believe that I will see her one day as a spirit maybe? I told her on her death bed we would be together one day again, and believing that seems to help. I sometimes feel her presence, I think there are signs but I can't be sure.

All I know is my love for her hasn't changed I feel as I've always felt and I miss her so.


Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.
Posted by

It is very hard when you realise they are not coming back it just hit me one day I was in bits crying thumping the bed curling up begging even I still don't know how to get over that horrible moment just have to go with the flow hope it gets a little better soon for you

Posted by

Hi Gary,

Such a heart-felt post!

It is very sad when the realisation happens that our loved ones will never come back to us in this life. I think at first we can't feel this so much because it would be too hard, too upsetting to be confronted with it very early on in our journey, but then, as time goes by and we are still on our own, we realise that this is not going to change.

I hope you are having a better day today and can focus on all the good times you had and feel safe in the knowledge that Amanda is free from suffering and pain now.

Love, Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.