Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Clearing up the House ?

Geoff999
Posted by

Slowly over the past 4 months Ive been tidying up / clearing the house following on from my beloved Anne's passing. I've had to do this in very small steps because its so distressing. But theres one room that forbids me from touching - my soul mates bedroom where I now sleep in her bed. We used seperate bedrooms because of Anne's night time and daily medical requirements, one involving Lupus. Her bedroom is exactly as it was when she was hospitalised, even the bags on the  floor brought home from the hospital after she passed. Her clothes still remain in her wardrobe as do her private  things in Anne's dressing table draws. And they will always remain there because as long as they are in the house a part of my soul mate is still with me. It's our house, not mine. But yesterday I had to clear the top of her bedside cabinet to make room for her ashes as it dawned on me it was rather disrespectful to leave them on the floor.  Removing those few things totally broke my heart. It was all too intrusive. For those of you who know Charles Dickens character Miss Havisham Anne's bedroom as far as I can see will remain as it is till I pass, as did Miss Havishams wedding reception room. My darlings bedroom somehow contains the very living  heart of this now soulless house. The only room that has a form of life force, a spirit,  a place of sanctuary. I rest  so well in Anne's bed and have rarely been denied a good night's sleep. So basically,  tiding up / clearing the house is now complete. Now what ? ? ? 

Love and Light 

Geoff.

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

puddle fish
Posted by

Hi Geoff,

ive tried to tidy up, like you can only do small bits at a time. We have been slowly decorating the living room changing it round so myself and our two sons who live at home feel better about using it. But the bedroom I’m at a loss with. I have sent a lot of his clothes to charity shops but his personal items underwear, T-shirts, shaving stuff etc I can’t seem to part with to throw it in the bin seems so harsh. He had models he was going to make and other bits related to his hobbies cluttering up the wardrobes.  So there are still two wardrobes two chest of draws. I might be it’s just too soon, maybe somehow keeping it as it is gives me a tiny bit of he will come back or he’s not really gone. I even trip over his bloody slippers when I change the bed but moving them seems heartbreaking. 

Glostp
Posted by

I struggle with this too.

I've moved a few things that needed clearing but the vast bulk is as it was I look at it think I need to clear away some things give it to the local hospice shop, but really struggle I end up looking at it then doing nothing yet knowing I need to do something.

It does feel disrespectful but I know at some point I will need to start, keeping the precious things as I go.

Horrible feeling just thinking about it.

Maybe not ready just yet.

Gary

Softly the leaves of memories fall gently we gather and treasure them all.
winmick
Posted by

Hi Gary. My wife died the same month as yours. I have no intention of clearing anything out at the moment. I see some people haven’t done it after 3 years. There is no rush for this to be done. Do it when you are ready not before. 

Mike 

Love you always Winnie xx