Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

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Letsgochamp
Posted by

Its not about me its not a show about me its nothink about me its just all i want is to be with lindsey.before linzi was told she had cancer ,before any of the hell that was about to hit us,all we had was each other ,me and lindsey had no friends outside of our relationship because we didnt need friends we didnt need to go out on a weekend and get hammered .we had each other we where best friends solemates and we liked just being around each other 24/7 .my family has no involvement in our life because they where just wasters ...lindseys saw her nana but didnt bother that much with her family because they didnt make time for linzi n me.what im trying to get across is we had each other and our cat and that is it .and that was all we wanted and that made us happy .we loved each other so much we cry because of how beautiful and unique are love was for each other .we always said many times if we didnt have each other and something happened to me or her that we take our own life because life wouldnt be life if we wasnt together...my mental health is very bad any type of change messes with my head ....example ...say a tree outside my house was to be chopped down it would mess my head up.....to other ppl its just a tree it doesnt bother them....so when i had to witness the furst person in my life pass away my wife it broke me ....id never been to a funeral or see anyone ever pass away before ......i shut my eyes at night time and have nightmare about seeing linzi dying ...im struggling but i dont kniw what to do ..ppl say go your gp ...i have social anxiety i dont go out i didnt ask to have all these mental illness ...the only thing i can do is sit and suffer alone because when you have no other option in my case thats all i can do .till me and linzi meet again .i hate myself i hate my life because its no life and i hate cancer i hate how things have become some bad ...i hate the words try to be postive ...i wish i could be with lindsey because thats life linzi if life to me ...everyone lied to me around me everyone let me down ...maybe now ive typed this up ppl might know why im struggling ...its not about me its about life that has been took from me .i hate myself for not being able to save lindsey and i hate it that i cant take my own life because i have to wait and see if my daughter comes back ,and even then its all pinned on hope and chance ..if your in a bad place to anyone im sending you a hug .love you my wife my everything our life our world that we created you are my god linzi i adore everything about you .im sorry i couldnt save you im sorry i couldnt stop the cancer ,i. Sorry i cant join you in heaven but i have to wait for mollie on that chance she might come back .i love you x

Peter pan 
MelanieL
Posted by

 Peter, I really do hear your pain. 

 What you had with your wife sounds very much what my husband and I had with each other. We only wanted each other, were enough for each other, didn’t want friends in our live or  anything that would distract us from each other... I sometimes even hated having to go to work because it would be time that we would not be able to spend together. And I also said to him a number of times that when he was gone I would see no reason to continue with my life.  I often had this very romantic idea that we could lie down in bed together and take a tablet or something and go peacefully together. Why we never did that I will never know. 

 Anyway, I am not saying to you that everything is positive and I am not telling you that it is easy. As for myself, I have found a way forward, however difficult and painful this maybe at times, taking my own life is not the way forward, this is something I have understood by now, and I figured that if I wanted to stay here, then I should make  The most of it. 

 Social anxiety and mental issues of what ever kind can be treated. I am sure you can get to your GP and talk to him or her about your issues.  Maybe you can get some counselling or some help.  Only with help Ken the feelings that you are experiencing right now shift. 

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.
likido
Posted by

Peter, I hope that by writing down your heartfelt thoughts that this is helping you in some small way.  I hope that we are helping in some small way.  This is not an easy journey for anyone, but must be overwhelming for someone with your additional mental health problems.  I know you said your Gp  visits you on a regular basis.  Have you talked to him/her about all of your feelings.  Can I ask you (you don’t have to answer) but when was the last time you went out of the house.  I also get very stressed/anxious if I have to go out and do something, or even if someone is visiting.  This is something quite new for me and is probably part of grief, so if you had this before you are probably suffering even more.  I have a grandson with asbergers (a strain of autism) who does not deal with change very well.  He took his grandads death quite hard.  I am sending you strength for tomorrow to maybe step outside and widen your world a bit at a time.

Love Dolly xx

Wife0f26years
Posted by

Sending you caring thoughts. 

The anger against the cancer you couldn't have done anymore than been alongside Linzi.  The anger against people that hadn't been in contact with you. Had liedThe laws that separate you and your daughter. Nothing you can do about those and fuelling that anger will do you no good and make you unwell.

Take care of yourself are you eating? Sleep probably difficult with nightmares remember you need rest. 

Keep that hope is there any other help/advice you can get on that matter with your Mollie? X

Letsgochamp
Posted by

X

Peter pan 
Letsgochamp
Posted by

X

Peter pan 
MyLove
Posted by

Hi Peter

How are you today ? I really do worry over your mental and emotional state. I hope today’s a more kinder day for you. 

I tried antidepressants in November they didn’t agree with me and my opinion is they only mask the pain. Don’t get me wrong they work for a lot of people but I just knew they wouldn’t for me. I just felt unfortunately I am going to have to feel this enormous burn to even try to someday move forward. My heart really does go out to you it’s not out of sympathy for you by no means it’s out of the pure pain I know you are feeling. As we have all said on here unless you have been through it you will never know how bad it is. 

Where you suffer with social anxiety that in its sell is a horrendous thing can you not ask the doctor for a home visits  if he prescribes you something maybe they might help ? Or he could get you some counselling. Have you contacted Macmillan for some sort of support. I found talking really helped me. The end of last year I was right we’re you was I couldn’t get past the next hour never mind thinking about the next day. My work got me some counselling session at first I was like oh what the hell am I doing. But believe me it does work after about the Third session things start to click. 

Kepp posting in here so we know your ok. Your not alone you have all us in here as your viral family now. Perhaps when we are all up to it we can sort some sort of meet up days like other groups do on this site just a thought. It might help with your anxiety least we know what you suffering with so understand if you didn’t fell up to anything. 

Linz lives through you know Peter make her smile and so proud of her man X 

Letsgochamp
Posted by

I feel a tad better than yestersay ,, i have councilling my first session next week .....it would of been linzi birthday next month our birthdays where two days apartbut im going to get a big balloon and send it to heaven ....thank you for your support and everyone who messages me ..i also have started growing sunflowers for my wife as she loved them .thank you once again x

Peter pan 
Wife0f26years
Posted by

Hi lovely to see your sunflowers growing. Good to hear you are willing to give counselling  a go. Small steps Peter  x