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Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Getting harder to cope

Posted by

Hi all

Its a month today since Lee's funeral and just over 6 weeks since he died. 

I feel like I'm struggling to cope more and more rather than it getting easier. I know it's not been long but it didn't feel too bad whilst I was sorting a funeral and thinking who I needed to let know but now. 

Maybe it's other things, it's our youngest 14th birthday on the 30th and both our dad's birthday on the 31st. His dad is in hdu after a triple heart bypass and although is going well after the op is still really confused and they think it's the trauma of losing his son and being ill. I'm trying yo be there for his mum cos she hasn't gone other family but I'm struggling with dealing with that as well.

I've had to ring a builder about the back of the house today and the felt needs replacing on the shedpub roof :(

Just don't want to deal with any of this, wish it had been me not him right now


Posted by

Hi Erica,so sorry to hear of. Your loss,I’m just past 6 months,So I can understand how hard it is for you six weeks is no time at all.And yes I feel as if I coped better when it happened,I think it’s because there was so much to do,Now things are settling into place it’s the loniness I find the hardest,You do seem to have a lot going on at the moment so that can’t be helping,I hope things settle down for you and your family,Not a very good day for me today neither,thought I would sort some of Alans things out but had to stop as the tears came ,Sending Best wishes to you and hope tomorrow is a bit better day for you and if ever you want to chat,So glad I found this site.....Val.....

Posted by

Hi Erica and Val 

It gets a lot harder when there's  other things you have to deal with talk about things as much as possible and unfortunately  some things need to be sorted but others can be left. I started sorting yesterday but it felt wrong more changes so I stopped. Take care do little bits and don't go to far ahead. Thinking of you both xxx

Posted by

Hi Erica I'm having the kitchen renovated and I feel like it's happening to someone else and I don't really care about colours etc I keep wishing I could ask John what he thought although he wasn't really interested in decor etc. I felt like you that I would have changed places with him but I now think I wouldn't cos I wouldn't want him to be going through this.    A few years ago I had to have a major op. and asked a friend if he would look after John and help him should anything go wrong.  Ironically that friend is no longer with us  Isn't life cruel.  Today would have been my nephew's birthday too so that doesn't help.  He passed away a couple of years ago. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I feel so sorry for myself, my sister has lost a husband, a partner of 22 years and two sons and I am moaning.I an five and a half months down this awful road.  For everybody else life has returned to normal.  I am in this horrible tearful limbo.  My husband was a wonderful human being. Didn't gossip, often gave people his last few pounds or possessions with no expectation of getting them back.

He never criticised me or told me off   I can't see a life without him has any meaning.   Sorry I can't be more positive. I know he would be shaking his head and saying "stiff upper lip pal" but I just can't do it.  Every night I tell him goodnight, every morning I cry because it's another day he's not with me.   May your God be with you on your journey.