Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Confused and angry

Posted by

I don't know where to start, I get more and more angry and I don't know where to turn.

My partner got taken to A&E on 19th November with chronic stomach pain and he died on 5th December.  

I don't understand and I am so angry that he was taken away so cruelly. 

How was this not diagnosed before.  I don't understand.  Will we ever get any answers ? Or was he just another patient that never got diagnosed?

I want to scream , I feel selfish and , oh I just don't know what to do 

Posted by

Hi there

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died 6 weeks ago after 18 months of having cancer.

He was ill for most of the back end of last year and I contacted pals and the matron of the speciality that liked after him wanting answers.

Have you been to pals at the hospital where he died and asked to speak to someone about what happened? They are usually pretty good or your gp might be able to help?

I wish you luck


Posted by

I'm so sorry.  My husband was diagnosed on the 20th December and passed on 11th Feb.  He had shown no symptoms up until the jaundice appeared (the 20th) and by then, it was far too late (bowel cancer spread to liver).  Because he was only 45, he did manage some chemo and some antibody treatment but his liver did fail in the end.  This could have happened at any time and although we only had 7 weeks, it could still have been less.  In his case I think the cancer had been lurking mostly symptomless and then it just seemed to explode...

I agree, with moostersmum, to contact PALS or the hospital team to find out what exactly happened.  I hope you find some answers


Posted by

Hi so sorry to hear about your partner I can't imagine how hard all this is for you and family and friends to take everything in and cope with all you have to manage. Call the Macmillan  support line it is for us and they may have some guidance. Citizens Advice? Take the feelings and push forward hope you find answers. Take care

Posted by

Dear Erica,

 I am so sorry for your loss,  I send you a big hug because I just don't have words and I definitely to  not know what say that may help, my thoughts are with you.

I did speak to PALS,  but I need so much help, it is not just the hospital  , it also goes back to the GP, I knew I would eventually try to find out what went wrong.

I could not believe it when I got a call telling me that quality care commission  have asked the hospital to do an internal investigation .

Posted by

Thank you for your message and I am so sorry for your loss,

It happened very quickly with your husband also and this is so sad.

I don't know if we will get answers from the the investigation  that the quality care commission have asked the hospital to do .

We wait to hear 

Posted by

Thank you for you message.

I spoke with mcmillan last week and they were amazing,  they put me in touch with an advocate service.  It was so nice to talk with them, so very kind and a very good ear, oh course I cried and cried when I got off the phone to the mcmillan support, they just listened and listened to me getting things off my chest, I am so greatfull for that.

I don't know if we will get answers from the the investigation  that the quality care commission have asked the hospital to do . But we were also advised to do a complaint for hospital and family GPS for the delay in diagnosis,  or possible delay.

How can we grieve as a family when my children and I are so angry, how did this happen so quickly, 

I am sorry for going on, feeling very lost right now x 

We wait to hear