Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

I can’t even grieve for my late Dad

Charlie18
Posted by

Hello everyone,

I’ve used forums before through my Dads journey which always helped and sadly we lost him on 27th Feb and now as a family we are struggling to grieve for him as we’ve had further complications and just wondered if anybody else has experienced these feelings too? 

With the lead up to my Dads passing we weren’t kept informed by his partner very often as he was quite poorly to keep in contact. My Dads dad (Grandad) who is 95 and fit as a fiddle was kept in the dark also and in the space of 48 hours my Dad married his partner in hospital, got moved to a Hospice and then later passed which all the family missed but her so I am glad he wasn’t alone.  Having visited him twice in those 48 hours I am having trouble trying to budge this image of how physically different he was to seeing him earlier in the day to after he had slipped away and this image just seems to be at the front of my mind. Having to see my Grandad cry over his youngest son was also very much traumatic which I’m also struggling to cope with. 

14 hours after his passing me and my sister went in the Chapel of the Hospice for a couple of hours to try and gather our surreal thoughts and I received a phone call from my Dads long time serving solicitor stating that his new wife of 48 hours (In a relationship for 9months) had been in and requested financially what she is taking. Now me, my sister and my Grandad  and other family members are in utter shock how quickly things have happened and having seen my Dads wishes in writing knowing that this isn’t what he wanted we are filled with anger and sadness rather than grief for my poor Daddy. Being left to deal with the funeral is so difficult too nobody warned me about having look at coffins I didn’t know there was so many and different types of services. 

I just don’t know how people cope and move on from this sadness of losing someone or the traumatic images in your head will they ever leave? How do people cope at funerals this will be my first one to attend let along organise. Also it’s my birthday next week turning 28 it will be my first one without him who else do you eat cake with on your birthday and talk about previous birthdays with it’s just all so sad trying to understand what’s happened and what will happen in the future. 

Sorry for the essay xxxx

likido
Posted by

Hi Charlie.  So sorry for the loss of your dad.  It’s difficulr to get through all the emotions isn’t it.  The funeral directors should help you with choices regarding funeral arrangements.  I don’t know what to say regarding your fathers new wife.  Can you speak to her and sort things out.  Did your dad leave a will.  Even if he did, his wife will still have rights as I understand it.  It’s a very difficult situation for you all, not least your grandad at his great age, but I hope you manage to enjoy your birthday next week.  Take it slowly.  Take care. Xx

Charlie18
Posted by

Thank you for your reply. The support I get from people like yourself from here i will be forever grateful. 

The Co-Op have been helping us and been good support just never thought there would be so many options. I hope she will think a bit more on it and respect his wishes but it’s just one more emotion to add to the grief we are feeling. I don’t have children myself so I can’t even begin to imagine how my Grandad is feeling I just hope he continues to find the strength. I think taking it slowly is something I tried today it was the first day on my own as I’ve been keeping busy and rushing around like a mad woman and today was odd as reality almost hit that his no longer here. 

Wishing you all the best and your advice is greatly appreciated xxxxxx