Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Bad day.

Val66
Posted by

Good morning all.I hope everyone is trying to have a good day,unfortunately it’s a bad day for me,was fine on getting up so thought I would just potter around the house,it’s six months since I lost my husband and soulmate,and I thought I was doing quite well,even had a day out with a cousin who also lost her husband two months before me,So we are there for each other.But for some reason today has just gone down hill,I’m sat iathome everything spic and span,no hubby to make mess.and the tears have just started.really feeling as if I’m the only person on the planet.and to top it all the holiday brochures have just arrived,Sorry for waffling on just needed a chat,I hope everyone is having a better day.Best wishes Val.x

Val47
Cinnamon09
Posted by

Hi Val

Im so sorry you are having a bad day. It’s still early days for you and I think sometimes when we think we are doing well, there is almost a feeling of ‘ well I’ve struggled  through the last few months so.... can I go back to how things were now please?’ and you’re hit by the realisation that this is for ever again. I’m sorry you feel so alone today. Some days are worse than others in that respect aren’t they? I try to keep busy but when I’m feeling particularly alone it’s hard to motivate myself to do anything. I do find just getting out of the house - either strolling to the shops or just going for a walk, usually helps me. I generally find someone to say hello to and sometimes that’s enough to lift my spirits. A trip to a garden centre and treating myself to some flowers also sometimes  helps me. 

I know it’s not for everyone- but have you thought of a pet? My mum got a little dog when my dad died and he changed her world completely. I have my cats and have just started helping at a local animal rescue centre which forces me out even on those bad days. 

Im sorry I can’t be of more help. I do know how you are feeling and those days are just horrible- but they do pass and there will be brighter days ahead though it might not feel like it today. 

Carol

Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles; it takes away today’s peace. 
Val66
Posted by

Thank you for your really kind words Carol,To be honest I always had a cat when I was young,and I was talking to one of my sons the other day and actually mentioned a cat,so that is something I might look into,One of my grandchildren has just popped in to see me and made me smile so feeling a bit better this afternoon.thank you for taking time to message me and please take care of yourself.Val.

Val47
Cinnamon09
Posted by

Grandchildren are the best tonic aren’t they! I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. 

Carol

Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s troubles; it takes away today’s peace. 
Val66
Posted by

Thank you so much...Val

Val47
MelanieL
Posted by

Hi Val and all,

I hope you are having a better day today, Val. And of course I hope the same for everyone here.

I am okay. It's the first day in a while that I am spending completely on my own in the house from morning to evening. It is actually not bad. I listen to a lot of podcasts, do my laundry and catch up on emails like the ones here.

It is strange how some days we can feel good and then it can change, often not only from one day to the next but, as in your case Val, everything is fine when getting up and then within seconds or minutes it changes. It is absolutely normal, though, and I think we have all had those times.

I also leave the house when I feel it is getting too much at weekends. During the week I am out every day anyway, and if I don't see any clients, I go in anyway - I have never liked being at home on workdays when "everyone else" is at work.

Anyway, I hope you are feeling better today.

Love, Mel.

I don't like "moving on" because it sounds like leaving our loved one and all that happened behind. But I like "moving forward" because it means that, in spite of my tremendous loss and the pain about that, I move forward in my own life taking Paul with me.
Val66
Posted by

Just seen your post Mel,thank you for asking how I am,been a bit better day today,managed to sort some of my husbands things out,he was into diy but his tools were not put away so I Have tidied them all away in the proper place and feel he would be happy about that.He was usually very fussy about them,yes I had a few tears thinking he will never get to use them again but I managed it.Aww glad to hear you managed your day alone that must of been a big achievement,I actually went for a short walk on my own yesterday’s I was sitting around and began to overthink things.so maybe that’s something I need to do a bit more.Take care and I hope you have a decent week...Best wishes Val.                      

Val47