Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

I dknt kniw what to do

Moostersmum40
Posted by

My daughter is nearly 17 she's had issues since she started secondary school and we've tried to get her counselling help but cams wouldn't help , school tried a bit with a counsellor but now she's at college still struggling with anger issues and anxiety and losing her dad. College have sorted a counsellor finally but she's only seen her twice and isn't keen.

She gets so angry every day,she hits herself,  I can't so anything right. It doesn't help that I'm having to be both parents with little support because she doesn't trust anyone else even all the good friends we have and although she is close to her grandma on her dad's side she isn't any use. I don't know what to do.

She's gone off to college,  my youngest is now on her way home sad and I'm sat here crying. 

Life just sucks

Susie46
Posted by

Hi Erica

I just had to respond to your post.  I am so sorry for you having to deal with all of this on top of your own raw grief.  

I really don't know how to advise you.  My eldest daughter who is now in her forties was an angry sad teenager too, and I know how exhausting it is dealing with it.  And just so heartbreaking too to see her suffer so much.  

Would your daughter go with you to see your GP to talk through her anxiety and anger issues?.  Maybe the GP could  advise you on how best to deal with this and whilst I know medication is a route you probably don't like to contemplate, maybe it could help her short term? 

Has she any special friends that can help her get through this awful time.?  

And I guess you just have to be there for her.   Not easy when you are dealing with this on your own, I know and it's hard not to take everything personally.  That  was the hardest thing for me - not being able to make everything right for my daughter.  She just seemed to dislike me so much.  But it did pass and we now have a good relationship, so things will get better I am sure but right now, all I can do is send you a big hug.  

Thinking of you

love 

Sue

0802bernies
Posted by

Hi

just read your post, unfortunately haven’t got many words of inspiration but just to say that I know how it feels. My husband died in December after 8 months and my 3 daughters aged 14, 11 and 8 have all dealt with it very differently. The 14 year old sounds like your daughter, she has angry outbursts usually directed at me but sometimes her sisters. She rarely wants to discuss her dad and won’t attend any counselling etc.. she becomes very overwhelmed which worries me and is very up and down. It’s so difficult dealing with this on our own, amongst our own grief, the time that we need our partners to chat to about our kids and their problems and they’re not there. I sometimes feel angry with my husband as he doesn’t have to deal with all this, then feel guilty. 

Thinking of you all on this horrible journey. 

One day at a time.......