Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

the real fight

macpeter
Posted by
Just saw the doc on farrah fawcett brave lady,but my thoughts were with ryan the strength not to show his feelings.keeping faith in all that chemo knowing it's not working ,my heart goes out to him .i had a bit of cry it touched me we find the strength from somewhere .like ryan my wife lost the battle now his real battle starts.you know we go forward somehow but always going back as well.we all have to fight on to live again sometime in the future so sharing is one way .support groups, one to one ,the share site so lets hear from you how are we really doing.peter
LittleH
Posted by
I missed the programme, wil have to catch it again.

Not sure of my answer really. Feel I`ve had a good week but now the weekend is here I feel so different. Sat here thinking what do I do now, how do I fill weekends in the future without Paul? Something we`ve all got to do

Helen xxx
donnavalentine
Posted by
Couldn't face watching farrah fawcett, so not able to comment on programme.

How am I coping personally? Lost sums it up really. Well had decorator in that hasn't helped, but had a very weepy time in between and now find I'm getting very tearful at unexpected things when I am out. Find it comforting looking at video's and photos and staying in my own place. Beginning to realise I'm on my own, no one here to give me that comforting hug any more. Miss him. You asked how others are coping, but didn't say how you are feeling - so how are you Peter? Helen like you, I hate weekends, it's Saturday morning and I just cannot seem to do anything and now not looking forward to Monday either (see previous post on bereavement group). Hope you all have a good weekend if you can. Donna
foreveryours
Posted by
How are we feeling?? Difficult to say how I myself am feeling. It is 20 weeks since my darling Ray died. Sometimes I can be ok and then suddenly from nowhere comes the overwhelming feelings of sadness and floods of tears. There is often no explicable reason for this but happen it does. Night times are my worst times as then I am overcome with the reality of my new situation. It is then that I am most aware of the fact that I will no longer lie beside Ray and feel his warmth of his body and his arms around me. Never again will I hear him say 'I love you' as he did every single day of our married life. It is the little things like this that I miss the most and I feel so selfish for thinking of myself. I am learning to try to change the subject of converstion if I feel that I am going to become too emotional. It doesn't always work though and I just have to hope that people are kind enough not to react to my overemotional state.
So sorry if this is not what you meant.
I hope that you all start to feel a little comfort over time. It is strange how you can feel 'ok' and realise that you are really not.
Love ans Angel hugs x x Patricia x x
weebill
Posted by
patricia, i know what feeling ok and knowing i'm not feels like i've just had that feeling all weekend, it's so strange how you make yourself do all the 'normal' day to day things and realise that what was once quite simple now drains you. i miss sandra so much and the house is a lonely place now but the paradox is that i feel most comfortable where i am lonliest, how strange i am ;-)
foreveryours
Posted by
weebill, You are not strange at all. Just human. It is quite normal to want to stay within your comfort zone even if that is where you feel the saddest and loneliest. It is where you can relax and be yourself. Where it doesn't matter if you get upset and cry, because you are in familiar surroundings and you can hide away from the world if you want. I totally understand because I feel the same way. x x Patricia x x
LittleH
Posted by
Weebill I can understand exactly too!!

I worry about being by myself in case I get too upset when I sit thinking but I also feel safe at home and don`t want to go out sometimes xxx

We must all be strange lol xxx Isn`t it good to be able to share these feelings xxx

Helen xxx
weebill
Posted by
forced mysef to go out to friends for a meal this evening and enjoyed it very much, thanks to you both for encouraging me with your honesty this forum is so helpful in that even knowing someone who has been where you are 'gets it' when you describe your strange emotions and struggles. you are diamonds ;-)
foreveryours
Posted by
Hi all, keep on getting out there and trying to get on with life. It is so hard but we must do it for our own sanity. At the moment I am in a deep pit but am making myself go out. The problems occur now when I get back home because there is no-one here to share or to discuss things with. I went back to work and found it really difficult. I feel lost, useless, stupid, alone and devoid of all confidence I may have ever had. I am guessing this is just part of the grieving process but not certain.
Love and angel hugs x x Patricia x x
weebill
Posted by
i agree wholeheartedly, i find i must almost force my self to socially interact but with the nagging sense that 'something' is not right, i know it's because sandra is not there but it all just feels so odd. don't really like coming home to the house at night knowing it's only me. in my line of work being out in the evenings is an occupational hazard though! will i ever feel any different?
macpeter
Posted by
Hi weebill yes in time sometimes it feels like foerever you have good nights but its one step forward two steps back keep on getting there you will win the battle in my thoughts peter.
macpeter
Posted by

Hi patricia peter again thats it get out there step by step our sanity is always on the edge i feel keep digging your way out of that pit .believe you do get out of there light will appear ,i have 3 grown up children at home and still feel alone at night .that's one of the hard things not having that person to confide in ,that's why i go to a support group it's like a family guiding you helping you share the load,i know all them feelings and yes it is part of the process i will be thinking about you and sharing the load hugs peter.x
macpeter
Posted by
hi weebill.
just trying to catch up so i am a bit behind .well done on getting out what a big step i know it was'nt easy part of you does'nt want to be there so well done again it's like a well that someone is stirring .peter
foreveryours
Posted by
Peter, thanks for support. Yes it is like going one step forward and a few steps back but I am hoping that we will all get there in the end. I have just been contacted recently about a support group for bereaved partners starting up at our local hospice in October. By then it will be 7 months since Ray died. I don't know if it will be helpful or not bu may try it out. After all, if it doesn't help me, I may be able to help someone else. x x
foreveryours
Posted by

Well it is now Tuesday 6th October and later today I am going to the hospice to join the support group.  I hope I am not making a mistake but we shall see.  I hope that you are doing ok Peter x x