Bereaved spouses and partners

A place for widows and widowers to share their feelings and support one another.

Birthday...

whyuzz
Posted by

It's now almost 6 months since my husband died.  Today would have been his birthday so I spent the day at the Rutland Water Nature Reserve. This is where he asked to go for his last birthday - although he wasn't well enough to see much of it. Today I visited all the bits he didn't get to and even managed to see four osprey - he would have loved that!

At times like this I am acutely aware that I'm alone now.  I have no children and no close friends - just my mother & her husband who live two hours away and both have  elements of dementia..  His sister sent me a message today but otherwise there was nothing.   He always made a big thing of birthdays - I made a donation to the hospice in lieu of buying him a present...

Novembergirl
Posted by

It's good you did something special on your husband's birthday but of course so hard to be doing it on your own xxx Those osprey must have been quite a sight. I would love to see them and might make a trip up to Rutland Water one of these days. My hubby and I enjoyed bird watching together and saw them at Bassenthwaite in the Lakes, and once at Tring reservoir where one happened to come down and catch a fish. 

exhausted17
Posted by

Hi Whyuzz what a lovely idea to revisit your husband's favourite activity. I also think it was very brave of you to do that and on your own. There are still so many places I cannot bring myself to go as I feel it would be just too painful, although having the dog means I do have to get out and about. Also a good idea to make a donation in lieu of present. I will do that next birthday. Best wishes x

Rena48
Posted by

What a lovely way to celebrate his birthday.  Jay, my husband, was also a keen birdwatcher and Rutland Water was on his list of places to visit, sadly he never managed it.  Like you to celebrate significant dates I have visited places we enjoyed together, while it certainly emphasises my aloneness it somehow makes me feel closer to him and unlocks memories of happier times. It is now 13 months for me and initially I could not remember any happy memories, just his final weeks.  It was not until 10 months later when I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary alone by visiting the church we were married in and some of the places we had enjoyed, that my memories began to return. 

Like you I have only a small  family and no close friends so feel as if I am having to start a completely new life but I kept telling myself it can be done.  I have joined some groups that interest me, maybe it will lead to new friendships, maybe not, but in the meantime I am enjoying new activities with like minded people.


I like your your idea of a donation in lieu of a present it is a positive way to honour our loved ones.  Thank you for that idea.


Take care whyuz.


Hugs Rena

pommy mommy
Posted by

Hello Whyuzz,

What a lovely way to commemorate your husbands birthday, I do hope he was by your side as you were there,

And a great idea to make a donation to your hospice in memory of your husband .

Wee done for having the courage and determination to go to a place that you and your husband loved , it is beautiful around there .

I’m going to the NEC in Birmingham with my youngest son on Thursday for the gardeners world live show and the summer good food show , looking forward to it last time I was there I was with my husband so I’m sure it will bring memories back .

An inspiring post ,

Much love 

Pommymommy 

Sharon 

cartrefle
Posted by

Hi 

What  lovely way to remember your husbands birthday.  It is a way of keeping your memories alive but also brings sadness.  Len would have been 70 on Good Friday and he talked about going to his favourite Chinese restaurant with some friends.  Unfortunately he left us on 24th November last year.   Len's passing and service of thanksgiving was so close to Christmas.  I wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. On Christmas Eve my son said that we promised Len that we would make him proud.  At the last minute we went out and bought the food we have always had, we put the decorations up. I bought a card for Len because we had his ashes at home for Christmas.

On January 6th, on what would have been our 48th wedding anniversary, we Interred Lens ashes.  I had a card made (online) and chose my special message.  I purchased a tree to be planted in a forest as we always exchanged presents.  I think Len would like that.

On Len's birthday I purchased another tree, gave a donation to the Hospice, had a card made and my son and I had a picnic in the churchyard.  The robin appeared as it had on 6th January. We had a chinese banquet as Len had wished with family and our bridesmaids etc.  We remembered him.  I miss him so much and long for things to return to when we were together.  I believe one day it will happen and I will try and do the things we did together.

Sue xx