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Its mine and Keiths 9th wedding anniversary today or it would have been if he hadnt been taken away from me 73 days ago with this awful disease. So what have i done today knowing i was always going to be feeling low from the minute i opened my eyes this morning.....absolutely nothing ! I haven't seen anyone and I havent spoken to anyone on the phone either., ...I have drunk endless cups of tea ( good job I am teetotal ) and have been looking through our wedding and honeymoon photos. And tears, they have fell by the bucket load. I think tonight i will have an early night with Keiths kindle,I did pack it away but decided that I could charge it up and use it,albeit at the moment it is a choice of Andy Macnab or John Grisham,(I dont want any soppy love stories,)so looks like i will have to look for a website on downloading something more suitable and hope that tomorrow will be better ?different ?. In September its his birthday and mine in October and then Christmas, and I know i wont start any of these days like i have done today...as I said I should have known better. What I'd do now for some kisses (me kissing his photo isnt quite the same ) and big cuddles from him. Alison xx
I do know how you feel, I lost David to cancer in December. My birthday was two weeks ago and it was so hard. Our anniversary is in September, and I'm dreading Christmas. I bought a puppy and she does help fill the void, but could never replace David. I chose on my birthday to disappear for the day, and did not want to celebrate. I have decided at Christmas I will try and do something completely different, rent a cottage somewhere. Tomorrow will be better, and you have nearly survived today!!! People say times a healer, but at the moment it feels worse, David was a prankster, and I keep thinking, " Right time you came home now". If anyone else says " Be strong" Im sure I will scream ha ha. Recently I have found the radio comforting, more than the TV and cannot concentrate for reading at present. Only suggestions, which I hope help. Thinking of you Eileenxx
Hello Alison. I feel for you I really do, it would have been our 37th wedding anniversary on 31st July. I decided to work from about 11 am and we got married at 11. I got through by looking at the clock and remembering what we were doing at that time on the day, it was such a happy day and very informal, a big party for our friends....that helped me through. It's a bit late for you to do this now but it's so lovely to have those happy memories to cherish isn't it.......even though they can never make up for the loss and sometimes make it worse because there is so much to miss.
Christmas I am dreading, friends have invited me to stay with them but how can I watch them open presents on Christmas morning? I am going to suggest I go for New Year instead and take myself off with the dogs on the day....maybe a trip to the seaside and a walk on the beach if the weather isn't too bad........got to be something different I think and not associated with Christmas, I have already decided to tell friends not to expect cards etc and will make a donation to cancer research for Mark instead. Mark's birthday was 30th December so yet another hurdle to cross there.
Sending you love & a big hug.
I lost my husband seven years go and reading your posts brings back so many memories for me. Just because so much time has passed does not mean that I have forgotten him or that I don't recognise everything you are all saying - I want to send you all a big hug and as much encouragement as I can.
May I share a few thoughts with you, please? Feel free to let me know if I'm not helpful, and I'll get out of your way, I promise!
Christmas...the thought of the first one without him was unbearable, but it occurred to me that it was a family occasion, and that all of us would be missing him too. I wanted my grandson to have a specially wonderful time. Everyone came to me and, amazingly, apart from a few quiet tears first thing in the morning, we had a great day filled with love and laughter and wonderful memories. It was so much better than I could have imagined, and just what he would have wanted. There is a while to go before anyone has to be planning Christmas - I hope so much that you will be able to find some peace and enjoyment.
After my husband died I had so many bad days. I felt that I wasn't coping well, whatever 'well' means. People, well-meaning, ask if you are 'getting back to normal' - what normal? There isn't one. However, I found that, eventually, there seemed to be some blue sky breaking through into the grey-cloud days. It was gradual - I'd go for quite a while feeling ok-ish, or even good, but then the grey would break through again for no apparent reason - and it still does sometimes, although more rarely now. I have decided that a grey cloud day is just a day. I don't struggle against it, I just remind myself that the sun will come out tomorrow, and it does. We all have a bad day sometimes, no matter how long or short a time it has been. It doesn't mean we are regressing or not coping well (hate that phrase, always sounds so judgemental). It is just a bad day.
I think perhaps I should shut up now. Sending positive thoughts and good wishes to you all for good night's sleep.
Penelope, we all have to do things in the timescale which is right for us - and only we know.
My very best wishes to you.
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