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Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Sleeping

SunflowerCollie
Posted by

Hi.

Ever since my mum passed away in February and then my grandad in March (mum with cancer, grandad not) I have not slept properly. I wake up a lot and have a lot of bad dreams / terrors. Im getting to the point where I actually don’t really want to go to sleep as it’s so horrible. Because of this, I guess, my head and eyes hurt almost all the time.

Has anyone else had this? Life is never really going to be normal again but any tips on regaining my ability to sleep would be really gratefully received. I’ve tried loads of things but I’m at a loss of what to do.

Thanks, Lisa

Erica2
Posted by

I'm so sorry to hear of your losses.  

My 36year old daughter died last September and for many many weeks I just did not sleep.  Then if I did at all, waking up and remembering she'd gone made sleep something to not want.  So I do understand how you're feeling.  It's nearly 7 months now and I seem to be sleeping better now.  I think it must be one of the grieving processes that we just have to let our bodies and minds go through, a natural process due to the awfulness of it all.

I still miss her terribly every day and at times, can't believe she's gone but I hope this helps you to think one day you might sleep a little at least.

X x

SunflowerCollie
Posted by

Hi,

oh I am so sorry about your daughter. I know what you mean about the waking up and suddenly remembering... it’s the shock all over again.

if you are sleeping now at least there is some hope...

thank you, xx

DD1991
Posted by

Hi, 

I'm so sorry that you have lost two people you were close to. 

I am new to this group, my mum passed away on April 10th, and I am having a lot of issues sleeping, I'm starting to think its because at nights when its dark and quiet and there's nothing to distract yourself with, there is far more time to think - I think of everything I lost, of all my mum suffered, and of all she now doesn't get to be a part of.

I've been sleeping downstairs on the sofa, I'm not sure if it's because its not the place I associate with sleep so therefore I find it easier to not think about trying to fall asleep. My Fiance hasn't liked that I've been doing this but I find it really hard to explain how I just lay awake and toss and turn in bed but can fall asleep downstairs. 


I have also been having awful dreams that wake me up, mostly dreams that everything happened the same way but that somehow my mum is back and she's fine and no one quite knows why, and then I wake up, it's like my subconscious mind can't accept that this is permanent, or maybe just doesn't want to. 

SunflowerCollie
Posted by

Hi,

I'm so sorry for you loss- it is still so recent for you... I am not surprised you are finding it hard to sleep and have weird dreams. Like I said I’m a few months in and still have that. I’m sorry can’t offer any solutions or things to try

that’s difficult with your partner... I guess they want to be there for you and find it more difficult when you are on the sofa? Maybe they could cuddle on with you? Are you still working? With hind sight I think I went back too early and it’s making it harder now.

oh I know what you mean with thinking of what they will miss... I’m quite a gardener (even though I’m in my early 30s!) and o got so upset when we started doing things on the garden this year because mom will never see what it is now and it’s moving further away from what she and I saw together. I’m not sure if that even made sense!

DD1991
Posted by

Hi,

Of course that makes sense, I am supposed to get married in November this year and my mum was so excited and already found a dress and started saving for her hair and make up! 

I'm so sorry you're still having trouble even a little while on  

No I'm not working due to the lockdown, there is literally nothing to occupy my mind during the day. I think right now I'm in a place where I want the partner support and then also want to be alone too so the poor guy doesn't know what to do. 

cowolter
Posted by

Hi, Liza
I’m so sorry to you.
This works for me: I listen to audiobooks or podcasts while I sleep. It seems counterintuitive, because you're giving yourself something to pay attention to, but I've discovered that I cannot be left alone with my thoughts at night.

Regards, onplanners