Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

My dad has passed away

EnnX
Posted by

Hi Everyone, I cant believe I am writing this but my dad has sadly passed away at the age of 55 after an ongoing battle with cancer. He was diagnosed with stomach cancer out of the blue 18 months ago and he underwent alot of treatment - 132 hours of flot intense chemo in total, a total gastrectomy and half esophagus removed. We were told in Jan this year that he was very successful and more or less got the all clear and was on the road to recovery which we were advised would be 1 to 2 years. 7 weeks ago we found out that the cancer had returned and there was nothing they could do. They said it was now secondary peritoneal cancer and fluid in his lungs. My dad was sent home to 'enjoy what time he had left' and sadly passed away 2 weeks ago with my family around him.

I feel very shocked, upset and my family feel extremely let down with my dads drs/surgeon/oncology team. We have lost alot of faith in the hospital where my dad was treated. For the last few months my dad had regular check ups at his gp - he got regular blood tests etc which were all coming back great. They kept telling him he was doing very well and he was on the road to recovery.

Although we know there is always a chance of reoccurance, how on earth after everything he went through treatment wise last year to being told he was very successful can we go to him not here so rapid after?

I have done alot of research into peritoneal cancer and it seems to be a very rare type which can be caused by TG surgery once they open you up in spreads. 

I have just turned 30 years old, my brother and sister are in their 20's and my mum is now on her own at 53 years old after a 33 year relationship. We were a very close family. My dad should have had another 25 years or so, he never got the chance to be a granda and he will never be able to walk me ir my sister down the aisle.

Where is the justice in this?

If anyone has similar experiences please get in touch.

Mossman3537
Posted by

Hi, sorry about your loss

My mother recently passed away after being diagnosed in mid February with bowel and liver cancer

After several bouts of chemotherapy, the impossible happened in that her tumours shrunk and several disappeared giving everyone from family members to doctors the false hope that she was on the road recovery. 

When the success from the chemotherapy was discussed with the specialist her blood results weren't available at the time until later that day, this being the failing as we as a family raised our disappointment with the specialist and GP as it turned out treatment should have continued as the bloodwork wasn't where it should be, resulting in the drastic decline of my mum's health. None of this was brought to the attention of my mum until effectively no more could be done for her

The GP and specialist have both since apologised for the lack of attention and treatment my mum needed during this period as she was discharged with no after care from district nurses which would have raised concern to her deteriorating health

They both stressed that the process in place within the NHS has massive understaffed and overworked departments resulting in some patients not being picked up in the system

I believe my family have filed a complaint regarding this, I'm not in close contact due to living apart but when I get the finer details of the report, I will pass on the relevant information to yourself if this is the avenue you wish to pursue 

Frank
Quirkybird
Posted by

I'm so so sorry about you're Dad and my heart goes out to you..and you're family. M whilst reading I felt like I was reading what I felt ..and  .you do want a better understanding..I shouldn't of ..I do have mental health issues and previous.. Substance abuse.. Alcohol.. PS.. Make's everything worse... . My Dad worked with asbestos..when had biopsy went totally.... Rapidly.downhill.. even nurse at Poole hospital.. Were shocked how rapidly..I've going through my Dad Never saw myself married or have children.. And that does   all the things...I've always tried to find logic..especially after partner diagnosed with prostrate Cancer this year... There is no answer... ..of why....I've asked myself so many times over.....

Only person kept me going is my dad in all of...

I've been alcohol addition, have mental health issues.

Have a open mind and you'll see ...

It's difficult this time of year... I know. Message us if...xx

Shauna12
Posted by

Hello, I’m very sorry for the loss of your dad and I send my condolences. 

I lost my mum last year to ovarian cancer. I was 16 at the time. Technically, she passed away from pancytopoenia (I’m not 100% sure if that is how you spell it). she passed away due to a very bad deficiency of blood cells as a result of the intense chemotherapy. The pancytopoenia went undiagnosed by the hospital. For a long time I was very angry at the hospital, because of the undiagnosis. Also, because I never knew the severity of my mum’s cancer. I was certain that she would recover, that this illness was only temporary and she was going to be fine after chemo. But unfortunately the complications of the chemotherapy caused her to pass away before. I also wasn’t there when she died, as she deteriorated overnight in a matter of hours. I thought if only somebody told me how severe it was, then i could have prepared to see her go.

So, I completely understand why you may be disappointed with the hospital, consultants and doctors. I don’t think it is fair that they gave false hope. They should always give the full correct prognosis. However they may not have known what the outcome was going to be.

For a a long time I was angry at the world for taking my mum away. I had a LOT of anger. My mum wasn’t there to see my open my GCSE results let alone see me go to university, get a job, get married and have kids. And there is no justice. It would be great if karma was real where good people get good things and bad people get bad things. 

Cancer is a a terrible disease. It can return so easily. And sometimes, nobody knows what the outcome will be or how long a person has left. It can be very unpredictable. I’m so sorry that you lost your dad so unexpectedly and I know that horrible feeling. I know what it’s like to be so very hopeful that everything will be fine and then your loved one takes a turn for the worse. On the day of my mum’s death a friend’s dad said to me ‘No pain’ meaning my mum was no longer suffering. That helped me get through a lot.

Sending hugs to all of your family at this time.