Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

What the grief for my mum feels like to me

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I wrote this about loosing mum and I don't know who to send it to. My brother probably won't like it, it will only upset my dad, I feel estranged from my friends right now so I share it here to see if anyone else finds it helpful or whatever. My love to you all. 

Three fall into the river, the water bursts over their heads, the cold grips at their chests making them gasp in the frothy air for the next breath.

One is washed onto a fallen tree. Mid water he holds fast to the branch, his body straining against the flow which wants to pull him downstream. The water builds up and breaks over his head again and again, blinding him to options. All thoughts go to just getting that next breath in and holding onto the wood which is both his saviour and potentially his torment.

The second one reaches out to the man on the fallen tree and holds fast for a moment, but she is soon pulled from his grasp, floating off down stream out of the rapids and into the swirling dark waters. It is cold but her head is above the surface and she can breathe. As she drifts in the current she realises that the point where she fell is soon going to be out of sight. Her frame of reference is about to disappear and she is suddenly very frightened.

The third, a man, stands in the shallows in the gathering darkness. He saw the fall coming and, a strong swimmer, he made it to the bank before the stream had a chance to grip him but now he too is unsure where to turn. His wet clothes make him shiver as he looks on at the man in the middle of the river, unable to stop the river, he can only listen to him cry.

There is no right or wrong in all this. 
Posted by

Bless you and I’m so sorry about your Mum. I lost my mum 5 years ago now but felt as you describe for a couple of years - like I was barely hanging on to a piece of driftwood in an endless stormy sea of utter sadness and confusion. Life felt like it doesn’t make sense and it’s terrifying. It’s not a smooth path and very individual, but those feelings ended for me in time and I hope they do for you too. Please know you aren’t alone however it might seem. We are here to listen and hold you up, albeit virtually. One day at a time x