Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Grieving the loss of a family member

Posted by

Hello everyone, 

This last year has been really hard for me and the family as about 18 months ago my grandad was diagnosed with cancer of the pancreas, which has been a struggle as he has been in and out of hospital as he was meant to have surgery to remove it last year but it was too close to a main blood vessel so he started treatment of chemotherapy. However, in may time of this year he stopped it as the pain was getting too much so he had a break from it. Sadly a month ago he passed away peacefully at hospital, I took it really bad at the hospital as it was my first death in the family and I am only 20 years of age, I am staying strong but when I am alone I start to dream and stay straight forward and just think why my grandad as he was never ill he never went to the doctors, he treated him self. The has been really hard for me to write this but the main reason I am writing this is that I can't fault the staff for helping us every step of the way and I am telling this story as I never hadid the chances to spend time with my granddad as much as I hoped as he just wanted to hind away but I'm asking people to spend more time with they loved ones. 

I hoping next year I will be doing a charity event to remember my grandad and to raise awareness. 

Thank you all x

Posted by

Hi Matthew

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the recent loss of your grandad.  Sadly, cancer does not care about age, gender or how healthy someone is when it strikes.

Even though it is a traumatic and sad time you can take great comfort from knowing he passed peacefully and that he knew all his family were there for him at all times.  Try to remember all the happy times you had with your grandad - maybe visit one of his favourite places (even if it is a busy public place) and quietly talk to him and he will find a way to let you know that he is listening and will do all he can to guide you.  You could also try writing a book of all the stories he told you about his childhood - you could include photos and stories from other family members.  This helps to get your emotions out - try not to bottle anything in - as well as providing memories.

Unfortunately in todays modern society with easy travel around the world and 24/7 lifestyles people don't spend as much time with loved ones as they used to and it is only after losing someone that they realise it's too late.  This is where the memory book is of great use. 

It is great that you intend to do a charity event next year but I suggest you wait until the one year anniversary has passed.  There are many things you can do such as running, cycling, swimming, volunteering.  Have a look at this page to get some ideas but remember you are not limited to what's here and you can also get friends to join in.

Please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.  Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.