Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Grandad’s birthday this weekend and the first year anniversary of his death on the 30th November

Staceylm94
Posted by

Hi there

I am new to this group. I’m struggling emotionally this time of month as it’s my Grandad’s birthday this weekend and approaching to the first year anniversary of his passing. 

I feel lost and so unstable. 

DaveyBo
Posted by

Hi Staceylm

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your grandad.  Your feelings are perfectly normal especially as the first of everything - birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries - are very hard.  Do you have a special place that you and your grandad visited?  If so, go there on your own and talk to him about how you are feeling - he will find a way to let you know that he is listening and watching over you.  Open up to him as much as you can and try not to bottle anything up - he will comfort you as best he can.

I'm sure you will have lots of memories of your grandad and of the stories he told you about his childhood.  Try writing these down in a memory book so that you can remember as much as possible.  You could also try asking other family members and friends of your grandad's for their input as well.  Maybe include photographs in the book as you go.  This will help you to express your feelings and be there for you to look back on in the future.  You could also use this to share with your children so that the family history lives on.

Please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm for a free confidential chat.  You can use this link your area to find support near where you live.  This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential.  Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back.  This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.