Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Should I seek help

AMcr
Posted by

 lost my dad in May and last weekend my father in law both to lung cancer I moved in with dad for his last two weeks of life then returned home to carry on with supporting my lovely father in law as we had been to every appt and treatment together for the past two years and grown very close. I have spent every day and evening with him for past six weeks as he was having moments of psychosis and I was the only one he wanted. I found him last Saturday morning he had had a massive internal bleed and I tried to resuscitate him on the advise from the ambulance service despite knowing it was too late I’m devastated and blaming myself I left at midnight the night before and I had a bad feeling I know it’s not my fault but I’m a complete mess has anyone had counselling and how long did it take to get an appointment thanks for any advise x my sister in law is staying at his house and each day that passes the house becomes emptier and this is the hardest part for me I know it has to be done but we haven’t even had funeral yet and walking around seeing things that have been there for years and years like photos disappear is heartbreaking we have mentioned it but it hasn’t made a difference I realise this may be her way of dealing with things but having these things around for a bit longer would have been a comfort she lives miles away and is rushing to get stuff done before she goes home I think even thrown away cards my husband made as a child and old letters. 

buttercup01
Posted by

Hi Amcr,

Welcome to the community, tho I imagine it's the last place u want to be.

I would suggest you talk to the helpline on 0808 808 0000 8am to 8pm, 7:days a week. If u want to talk with someone face to face, ask them about a Macmillan or Maggie's centre bear you. These can also be found on '" In your area" in the home page.

I've not had counselling myself but gather  both of these centres are very good.

Take care x

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
AMcr
Posted by

Thank you I have thought about the helpline then when 8 am comes around and the day to day stuff starts with kids school etc I suppress my feelings and get through the nights are worse I haven’t slept through since that morning I just cry and cry through the small hours of the night I feel guilty about being so emotional like I shouldn’t be full of self pity like this. I will call someone today though I must thanks for reply it’s so weird that just reading your message at this early hour has helped me feel less alone right now x

buttercup01
Posted by

As soon as the kids are off to school, give the helpline a ring. 0808 808 0000

Don't feel guilty about your " self pity" as u call it. We've probably all been there, done that.

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
AMcr
Posted by

I called in to a cancer support centre today as the Macmillan nurse telephoned me and she persuaded me to go .I had a good chat with the lady and she has signposted me to various places where help is available I am also going to see my gp to see if I can get something to help me sleep as lack of that is catching up with other me now. Thank you for being there x