Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

how to talk about grief

Lemonade22
Posted by

I find that talking about death and grief is pushing people away. 

Tigger462
Posted by

Hi Lemonade22

As a nation the British are shocking at speaking of death. I can't even talk about my Mum to my closest friend as she doesn't want to talk about death or dying, but it's one of the few guarantees in life. I think also after a bereavement you find out who is true in your life. Many fizzle away even those who promised they wouldn't. They can't relate to you, some feel guilty as they've got that person you lost in their lives & many have their own grief so can't comprehend yours. I've found this forum helpful when I've needed to vent because everyone here has a mutual understanding but no vested interest as it were so it's not a competition or comparison. It's just support x

Love and Hugs x

Lemonade22
Posted by

Hi Tigger462,  thank you for your reply and I’m very sorry for your loss. You’re so right, I’ve found the best grief conversations I’ve had so far have been with people raised within an Asian culture. With my closest friends I can sense the awkwardness when I start to talk or cry about my mum which is so frustrating because these are the people I trust and love whole heartedly yet I’m unable to discuss this incredibly important and devastating part of my life, it leaves me feeling  incredibly lonely. It makes want to go back to work just so I don’t feel the loneliness I feel now. 

Loves and hugs x 

Tigger462
Posted by

I did find that those of differing cultures with a more holistic view on death were easier to talk to. People seem to struggle that I can talk about my Mum and her diagnosis and then her passing. I do talk about her (was told at work that I mention her! But almost in a shush now kind of way!) But was usually as relevant to others conversations about their parents or family but because mine isn't here it becomes awkward for them it seems. 

I'm the same as my best friend doesn't want to think about or speak about death or my mum even though my every waking thought is her so I get your frustration there. 

Don't go back to work too early - I made that mistake and 2 years on I'm still knowing I didn't have enough time as I had 5 weeks off and I also had to sort out a new home so was all waaaay too much. Make sure you're absolutely ready to go back and focus not because you feel you should or to stop something else. Get the rest (Well what you can) take the time to grieve properly etc as they say you can't pour from an empty cup xx

Love and Hugs x