Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

How a death of a love one, effects your other relationships, anyone else experienced this.

Sunshine19
Posted by

My beautiful mum died nearly 13 months ago. She was my rock, truly my best friend. I saw here every day and was very reliant on her emotionally. She keep me grounded.

Since her death, I believe my relationship with my Sister, Dad, and Husband, has changed for the better. We have all become closer and really pulled together. 

My worry is,  I'm over powering. My mum and I had a close relationship, we were in each other pockets, calls texts, choose to spend all our time together. I know I will never have this bond again and I'm scared. I feel so alone. Even in a sea of people.  

With my sister, she has always been fiercely independent and always loved us all, but always been of doing her own thing. I love her dearly but feel sometimes my constant need to be with her, talking to her is overpowering, she's not use to it. 

My dad and me have grown closer and I feel I can start to talk to him more and be hope and honest. But he i building a new life for him self, I always hope, I have a big place in it. 

My husband has surprised me and really stepped up. I'm normally the one, pushing everything forward (I truly believe that's because I had my mum behind me, every step of the way) now I've lost my confidence and sparkle. He has kept everything together and is supporting me all the way. I just feel, it not the same. I love him I truly do. But I don't feel me, so how can it be the same. 

Thoughts and experiences, would be appreciated. 

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

With my husband, I feel I have become clingy and needy. Needing reassurance, needing constant support, a lot of stuff I'd talk to my mum about he just doesn't understand. 

Sunshine19
upwards77
Posted by

Hi Sunshine,

I know we have communicated before so just wanted to say hello. Also I totally hear you. I can’t say anybody can fill that gap in the communicating. Others it has happened to can understand.

I looked at my husband a few weeks ago (really looked at him) he looked weighed down. I have been trying to make him my mother in terms of a listening ear and he can’t be that all the time. So I need to make sure my marriage stays okay through this. We all do. Our mums would want us to have happy lives x x x 

I am not the same person I was when my husband met me. I’ve become doubting and irritable and can’t seem to show love the same way I did (my mum passed in February 2017 and my dad in February 2019).

It’s really worsened with the loss of my dad to be honest. But The missing of my mum has been unbearable at times but it was changing before dad, the total fear was leaving me.

I talked to her about everything, I totally understand how you are feeling, Miss their voices, reassurances, just miss mum. You have probably tried talking out loud and also writing letters it can help. I’m currently procrastinating (which has increased too) about whether to take a drive today, something which I always did with my mum and had the best talks. I’m am a bit afraid. 

But im going to do it and do it alone. Have a good walk and maybe a cry and maybe just thank both my parents. They would want us to be happy Dear Sunshine. X x x