Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

A bit of kindness

Posted by

Hi everyone,

I lost my father nearly 7 months ago and quite unexpectedly to very aggressive metastasised cancer. I found myself coping well for a while but now find I am constantly disappointing by peoples lack of kindness in general. Colleagues, friends even my husband I keep waiting for them to do something 'extra' to show they care and understand I am struggling but still nothing. I understand I am a high performing individual (I ran the marathon, am successful at work, etc) but honestly if I knew someone who had a parent that died I would be doing everything in my power to make their life that little bit easier...but seems nobody else thinks like this? Am I alone? Are my expectations too high? Maybe we just think differently or are wired differently after the grief we have been through. I would love to hear more about how others have received good support from the people around them and how they achieve this. Thanks xx 

Posted by

I’m sorry to hear about your Dad. After my Mum died I felt very similar to how you feel and was angry at how few people understood and made genuine effort to contact me (after the initial few weeks). It’s very tough at times and you have my total sympathy, but i sometimes think the death of someone close to you leads to some people exiting your life and others entering it. Of course it’s exhausting and infuriating when you are trying to grapple with a new world without your Dad, but try to keep your heart open despite your disappointment and people will be there for you. Just accept they may not be the people you expected. Some people are also scared of other’s grief and run a mile from it, although they would never admit it at the time. In time the support you have will become a little clearer. Please speak to us as this forum is great to say how you feel without judgment. Wishing you all the best x