Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Support

James18
Posted by

Hi all. I’m James and I’m 18 years old, I lost my Dad a little over a month ago, he passed away due to having a brain tumour. Some days have been better than others and I try to keep myself busy most days, but it’s hard to stay busy everyday and I find myself getting upset on those days. His funeral is in 3 days and I am feeling very nervous for it as it’s my first ever funeral. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on how to cope or anything else that will help me.

jjacc
Posted by

Hi James

Im so sorry to hear about your dad....Im not a member of this group but I seen your message on the main page. My heart and thoughts are with you. You said you have been trying to keep busy and that's good but its also ok to be upset and take a bit of time out . Im sure someone will be along with better advice than I can give but I couldn't just scroll past your post.

I don't post much on here but I do finding reading other messages does help. I can understand how nervous youre feeling but im sure your dad was very proud of you as he will be when you say your goodbyes. Don't be nervous, you sound like you have amazing strength for an 18 year old and im sure there will be people there to support you.....be sure to let them. I hope everything goes as well as it can. You will be in my thoughts. 

Bodach
Posted by

Hi James

Welcome to the online community and I'm very sorry to hear about your dad but thank you for reaching out to us at this dark time we all know that this is a place you'd rather not be.

Please accept my condolences on your loss.

It's good that you are trying to keep busy which takes the edge off your grief for a little while it's the times that we are on our own that is the hardest and the memories keep flooding back, you've got 18 years of happy memories with your dad and you should try and focus on all the good times when you were doing things together but these memories will also bring on the tears and crying is good even for an 18 year old, don't be ashamed to admit that you've shed a few tears it's all part of the big picture of grieving and a gives a release to our feelings.

How do we cope at a time like this, it's difficult and we all handle it differently and your escape is by keeping busy and I hope that your friends are being of great support to you and keeping you occupied, at times like this we need our friends around us unfortunately your friends may not have been in the same situation as you and maybe not understand how you are feeling but being in their company and doing the things you normally do might ease the pain

We have a lovely young lady called Wendy who looks after our Ask about bereavement support group and if  I could suggest that you repost your post to Wendy and she'll get back to you, unfortunately as she aims to get back to you in two working days which maybe after your dad's funeral but I am sure she will be of great help to you and help you put things into perspective.

Stand tall for your dad and put on a brave face for him at the funeral make him proud of you and if you do shed a tear that's perfectly normal it shows how much you care.

I hope you are not alone and that you have other close members of the family with you to help you at this time.

If you need to chat come on here at anytime and pour your heart out to us, I'll be honest with you the people in this group will not be as young as you but nevertheless we all share a common ground with you, we've lost someone we loved dearly and age is no barrier in the grieving process but rest assured we all know how you are feeling and understand the pain that's in your heart.

Please do contact Wendy by clicking on the green text above and clicking on ask a question and repost your question and anything else you want to ask, she's a very nice understanding lady and I'm sure she'll be able to give you her words of support.

If you can remember that on the day of the funeral it's not only the day you say goodbye it's also the day that you celebrate the life of your dad and the memories you made.

Here to chat at anytime you feel the need to speak to a Bodach.

Ian

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Emmags
Posted by

Hi James 

Whilst too late to give you any advice on the funeral I hope it went as well as it could do. 

I have lost both my parents to cancer this year, with 7 and half weeks in between. Like you I kept busy, I was functioning so it was OK. Then I got to a point of not functioning, thankfully my doctor has been amazing and is monitoring me and my depression very closely. When I got to the point of not functioning I was signed of work. I tried to fight it for various reasons, which she already new and understood but I didn't feel well enough to make the decision.... 

So I left it to my doctor, had 2 weeks of work. They were scary as I was so scared if I stop i wont start again, I reached out to friends and they were great. 

Please please give yourself time to process what had happened and your feelings. My heart goes out to you for going through this at such a young age. 

Do you have friends you can talk to, or close family? I get at the age of 18 it's not the done thing to talk to your friends about stuff but you need to talk to someone. I recently found out the main person my brother is talking to is his girlfriend dad, who asked his daughter was she OK with it. Both her and myself have said if it means he is talking then that is all that matters.

Massive virtual hugs xx