Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Brother passed away recently & I am heartbroken

DeeJelly
Posted by

My brother was diagnosed with high grade brain tumours at the beginning of May & passed away 4 weeks later. It all happened so fast & I am struggling to come to terms with it. 

At first the doctors thought he had approx 9 months then subsequent scans advised just 2 weeks. He gave us 5 more days before he left us. I was with him when he died which left me totally numb for a few days but now I am heartbroken & don’t know how to function.

GBear
Posted by

Hello

 I am sorry you havent had a reply and hopefully others will see this and share their experience with you. I send my condolences for the lose of your brother and I am very sad to hear how very quickly he died after his diagnosis. Prognosis is a very difficult thing to calculate, my friend was diagnosed around the same time as I was diagnosed lucky for me I was low stage which has been treated successful but for him he was terminal and although he latest longer then his original prognosis it was still a huge emotional struggle for me his family. I felt very numb and totally heartbroken I just didn't know what to do at all and I can relate to a point about not knowing how to function. I believe with it being so quick you didn't have time to prepare and even with preparation its a lot to take in. Have you thought about grief counselling? We do have a Ask about bereavement support Wendy our expert is really lovely person who I have had some support from and also just knowing someone's listening really helps. Its when your ready.

Sending you a big supportive hug

  GBear Xxxx 

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welshfifi88
Posted by

I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother so quickly. I lost my Dad last June to bowel cancer, just 4 weeks after his diagnosis and just a week after being told there was nothing they could do. Even knowing how long someone has left doesn’t prepare you for when they are actually gone. It probably won’t make sense for a while but talking about it will definitely help. I bottled a lot of things up for a long time, keeping myself distracted in the weeks after Dad passed, sorting out the funeral and supporting my Mum. I’m still guilty now of worrying more about how my mum is coping than thinking about myself and how I’ve dealt with my grief (which if I’m honest it probably still hasn’t really hit me, a year on) but I do have days when I’m fine and days when I’m in a world of my own and feel a little lost. It’s all part of the process. Find things that help you release the emotion, whether it’s talking to someone or even times of reflection on your own to calm yourself down after crying for what will probably feel like hours on end. 

Personally, when I know I’m having a bad day, and I need to release I listen to the music we played at my Dads funeral, as music has always had a positive effect on my mood. The emotions of that day can release when the songs are playing but then I feel a sense of calm afterwards when I think about how those songs were special for my dad  

You’ll find ways of functioning I promise, just take things one day at a time. I never say things get easier as time passes but we teach ourselves to cope with it a little better as each day goes by.

I hope this helps in some way and I haven’t just babbled. Sending lots of love 

Gembob22
Posted by

I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words of absolute comfort. I lost my mum Oct 2017 I miss her dearly every single day. Just take every single day as it comes. It's like riding waves. Just go with it. The high waves of sadness do become less, slowly....I promise you. Stay strong and keep in touch with this page xx

Coco73
Posted by

Hello Deejelly,

I am sorry to read of the loss of your brother so suddenly. It must have been such a shock for you and your family, it can feel like you are in a bad dream.Sadly I was unable to be with my sister when she passed away due to her controlling partner. I still feel robbed of those last days to be with her, our mother was also excluded from being with her daughter in her last moments. 

She was diagnosed aged 44 with stage three esophageal cancer. I won't go in detail's but she was diagnosed late due to failures within the doctor's practice that she was a patient of.

It turns out after tests with her genealogy that it was an inherited gene from a distant grand parent. We'd had seven close family members diagnosed with cancer, six passed away and one survived.

She was informed that the type of cancer she had was typically a male cancer, in men over the age of 55 with a history of bad lifestyle choices. The fact that it was diagnosed late gave her no chance of longevity or successful treatment to pre long her life. I feel bitter about the loss of my middle sister at such a young age. I feel sad that she is no longer here, for her and her daughter, our family and I. 

It was two and a half years ago but feels like yesterday and some days feels like forever that she left. Sadly we as a family are all in different locations and I personally have had no support from any kind of Cancer specialist organisations. My doctors were of little help and I had no support from my work.

I cry a lot and think of how things could have been different had she been listened to by the very people she said "she put her trust in".

It's all very sad and raw for you still as it is only happened for you recently, it will take a long time to come to terms with the shock of losing you brother within four weeks of diagnoses. I hope you have a family and friends that you can talk too and find comfort in.

Grief is a process I am told and I can vouch for that. You will have good days and bad. We have to carry on and it is a true saying that life does go on. Just take it one day at a time.

Best wishes

Coco.

Coco73