Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

2 years and still guilty!

Weirside
Posted by

On July 1st it will be 2 years since my mum passed away from Lung Cancer.

I am 1 of 2 siblings but all of her care from diagnosis for the 4 years she battled was down to me

When she passed I was wracked with guilt that I hadn't done enough to help her, I felt I had failed her.

2 years on that feeling is still with me, does this ever get easier?

DaveyBo
Posted by

Hi Weirside

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mum.  I think, and I'm no expert, that being a full time carer for 4 years means that the grief and guilt will hit you much harder than your sibling.  Everyone feels guilt about the loss of someone - should I have called for help sooner?  should I have insisted on ?  should I have said (not said) ?  Your mum would know that you didn't fail her and that you did what you thought was best for throughout those 4 years.  The feeling will lessen over time but there may be times say in 10 years time when it might hit you again.  It may be only a brief feeling or it may last a bit longer but you will be better able to cope with it from your current experience.  Remember, your mum will always be around you and will try to support and guide you as best that she can.  Visit one of her favourite places like the local park, sit quietly and talk to her and watch and listen for any small signs that she is near.  There is a link below which has more information about guilt and bereavement.

Please contact the support line free on 0808 808 0000 which is open daily 8 am – 8 pm for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

There is some useful information on coping with grief and information on the symptoms of grief.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

David

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