Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Guess it was only time.

Emmags
Posted by

So i suspect a number of you are aware of my background for being her (nightmare 7months and then both parents passed away from Lung cancer within 7and half weeks).

Dad went first but then we still had mum to look after abd ensure she was safe till she agreed to a live in carer... I did have some time of then, did some work frome home days and along with being in work. 

As i settled back into work, where a new middle management company have come in, feelings all in the air, it became apparent my ''"colleague" has decided her job may not be safe and there for take advantage of me not being there to put the knife in my back.

When mum passed away i had a few days off but then pretty much back to work full time.

I sensed over the weekend i wasn't functioning as well as i had been, I had a doctors appointment this evening as they have been monitoring me as i have had depression for year's over the last few years and it resulted in me being signed off. I tried to fight it and my doctor wanted me to have longer of but at the moment we agreed on me being off for a week and she will call me next Monday. 

I thinki what made me start to struggle to function was meeting the celebrant and discussing bits  for mums funeral she hadn't decided on, oh boy was it easier for dad as we still had mum there to ask type thing. 

Due to a few specific people (like mum's brother) having holiday bookes the funeral is this Friday, i guess as it gets closer it is getting more real that it is happening.....

Since coming back from the doctors i have cried more than since mum went. What kind of person does that make me... People (including my doctor) say tbey didn't get how i was functioning, my husband had even been signed off under bereavement and is on weekly appointments till the phyciatict team see him, again what is wrong with me, surely it should be me like that not him....

It doesn't help a lot for changes at work and whilst I know i have the support of the management team above me and a lot of other people in my company knowing i can't trust my colleague really doesn't help. She has gone through lossing a parent as her mum passed away the other year and she ended up leaving her job to get to grips with stuff and ensue stuff all sorted type thing. 

All of this is also making me feel lost. Lost that I have no parents, lost at work and lost in general. 

Anyway sorry for going on. 

Em xx

Hope_29
Posted by

I’m so sorry for the loss of your Mum and Dad, as well as everything else you have been dealing with. No wonder you feel overwhelmed. Every emotion is a valid and normal feeling, please don’t beat yourself up about how you feel or when you cry. Sometimes you are so used to holding yourself in emotionally it becomes a robotic norm for a while. You have gone through so much. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you in person what a great daughter you were/are to your parents - it may sound odd but the love you showed them was everything and truly matters. 

I would try to take each hour or day at a time just now as it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed otherwise. Lean on whoever you need to to get through the funeral. When you get back to work I would arrange a meeting with management so they know the full story. Hard as it is, be professionally civil with the former ‘friend’ but keep your distance. Ignore any gossip as it’s soul-sapping nonsense. We are all here for you and are ready to listen x

Hope_29
Posted by

You were in my thoughts today - I hope today went as well as can be expected. Keep going x

Emmags
Posted by

Hi Hope_29, thank you for your reply and yesterday message. I did respond last night but my phone had a funny 5 and it was late and i was tired.... Sorry.

It went well and mum's friends said it was perfect for her, planning dads funeral was easier as mum knew dad as a person not as your parent but trying to do mum's from that aspect when it was just me and my brother was tough. But we did it and i did the reading mum wanted me to. 

Now it really does seem so final. Years ago my uncle turned to alcohol after his dad died, as his mum died about 15 years before. I now get how he felt.

I have been thinking about the needing time out but i am scared that if i take the break and stop, i wont be able to start again xx