Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Help with the grieving process

Sarah2019
Posted by

Hi there! I’ve come across this message board by chance this morning and I’ve been sat here reading everyone’s stories and conversations for the last few hours. Resulting in this post to see if I’m able to get any advice. 

I lost my dad in August 2018. I was extremely close to my dad as I still live at home with my parents. I’m finding at the moment that I’m having emotional crying outbursts randomly. Sometimes there can be a dad trigger but sometimes not. Over the last few weeks I’m finding them hard to deal with. 

Im struggling with dealing with work at the same time so I currently have two weeks off. I have referred to my GP who prescribed anti depressants which I’ve started taking a few days ago. There was a huge part of me that didn’t want to take them because surely they are just masking my grief which I should be dealing with? 

I have an assessment for counselling on Thursday and this will then lead to face to face counselling. So getting to the point I’m wondering whether tablets are really the way forward? I know it’s only been a few days but I’m sleeping less than I was and they make me feel like I’m really spaced out and on drugs which is horrible. I feel less in control. 

I’m just wondering if anyone else experienced emotional outbursts six months on? I would be grateful for any advice. Thank you x

September1234
Posted by

Hi Sarah,

I'm so sorry to hear you lost your dad! I lost my mum in September 2018 to lung cancer. I thought i would reply to your post as I feel like I'm around the same stage of grief as you are. I keep having outbursts too, some days it's too much to deal with and others Its bearable. I too was prescribed tablets, which I never took in the end! Although I don't want to be feeling these emotions, I kind of feel like I don't want them to stop.. if that makes sense. So I understand what you mean when you say you don't want to mask your grief. I also feel like I should be feeling more normal by now, the whole world has just carried on as normal and I feel like I'm still stuck in September! I do hope the counselling will help you. Xx

Sunny43
Posted by

I’m so sorry for your loss Sarah and September1234. I lost my beloved mum to bowel cancer September 2018 - it really does turn your world upside down. I have been on this site a few months and it really has been a help to me, just been in touch with other people who are going through the same, has been a big help/support and the people on here are lovely and totally understand. I find writing my feelings down and talking about mum helps, even though those big waves of grief still hit me. As September1234 said, I hope the counselling will help you Sarah x

September1234
Posted by

So sorry to hear about your mum sunny43, it certainly is comforting to speak with others that have been through the same thing! I have started writing too and find that helps if no one is around to speak too! I write as if I'm talking to my mum which I find more helpful! Xx

Sunny43
Posted by

Been on this site has definitely helped me. I know everyone’s cancer journey is different, but, we will all have that one thing in common, that awful cancer took our loved ones. As I always say, if something gives you comfort and helps than do it. Just writing my thoughts on here for the last few months has helped me xx

Sarah2019
Posted by

Hey September1234! Thank you for replying. It does very much sound like we are in exactly the same stage. I tried one  anti depressant tablets and that was enough. I felt completely out of it. I have my first counselling session on Tuesday and I’m hoping that helps. I’m just trying to find any other ways to help rather than resorting to pills. As you’ve said I also feel like I should be feeling more normal but from what I’ve read over the last couple of days how we are feeling is perfectly normal. It’s going to take time xx

Sarah2019
Posted by

I agree this site is definitely helpful. After just reading everyone’s posts after I discovered it I felt like I wasn’t alone and that how I was feeling was normal. A friend who lost her dad a few years ago suggested writing things down so I’ll give that a go thank you x

Sunny43
Posted by

Your definitely not alone Sarah - everyone on here understands, that’s why this site has helped me. As Kate said on here, no one should have to walk this journey that we are on alone. I find writing things down helps, a few other people on here, have also said they write their feelings down in a journal x