Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Advice on How to Cope with Losing My Dad xx

Sonialou
Posted by

Hi All

I lost my dad on Sunday 24 March so suddenly and unexpectedly.  He was taken into hospital with what was thought to be pneumonia on 18 March, but when his blood tests came back it was discovered he had a really aggressive form of leukaemia.  They started chemo straight away but there were complications with his breathing and so he was transferred to intensive care.  Only 6 days after diagnosis, I lost my lovely dad only 6 days after diagnosis.  the chemo thinned his blood so much he had a massive brain haemorrhage and stroke.  We didn't even have time to get used to the diagnosis let alone prepare ourselves to lose him.  

I am absolutely devastated. My dad was my life.  I saw him every day and he was such a strong, active and fit man.  How the hell did this happen and how do I carry on without him?  I have never felt pain like this and don't know what to do with it.  I am trying to be strong for my mum and my children but am just breaking down all the time.  The times when I am okay I feel guilty for being okay - it's just so horrible and I can't cope with the realisation I will never see him again or have another telephone conversation with him.

Sonia xx

Sonialou
process
Posted by

Oh Sonia I am so so sorry for your loss, I can feel your huge sense of shock and grief, words any words,  are not enough pain is the price of such love you had for him. 

I hope you find peace with in each other, supporting each other.  With much love to you xxx

Karenpat1
Posted by

Hi Sonia,

i am so sorry to read about the loss of your dear Dad. I lost my Dad on 14th March. Dad was diagnosed with lung cancer in December, it spread so quick to his bone, spine, chest wall and he lost his battle against the awful disease. I can’t offer you any advice on coping because I feel exactly the same as you. This morning I thought about calling my phone from his phone just to see dads name and number come up on my phone. The only thing I focus on and get peace from is Dad is now out of pain. 

I am sending hugs to you Sonia and please do not bottle your grief up, if you need to cry then cry, if you need to scream then scream. 

Love to you and your family xx 

Karrieann
Posted by

I too feel your pain - it’s so unreal. My beautiful dad passed away in November following a diagnosis of mestastic  lung cancer 6 days before. He was only 67 but still in work, fit and handsome. It’S such a shock and I hate that it’s going to be spring and we will be sitting in his garden without him. I cry everyday without him                 

Take one day at a time x

mbg98
Posted by

Hi Sonia,

I am so sorry you lost your dad so suddenly. I lost my dad at the end of January, and although much longer than 6 days, I only had 6 months with mine from diagnosis. My dad was diagnosed suddenly after a holiday where he had constant tummy pain. Fast forward a few months, and my once fit healthy 54 year old dad had renal cell cancer with mets on the brain, lung, lymph and kidney. After suffering a bleed on the brain, my dad managed a few more weeks (amazingly) before passing on the 21st of January 2019.

I spent any moment I could with my dad and researched anything in order to support him the best I could, as it was such a shock to him, it made him quite depressed. I am only 20 and my dads only child and found myself lost after his passing and often looked on these blogs for hope.

I am too experiencing guilt with grief, I can go some time feeling ok, laughing and getting on with life as normal, and then suddenly I break into tears because I think of him and I feel guilt that I am even coping with his loss. I don't want to not think of him, but thinking of him makes me sad because he really didn't want to die and those are the images I have of him last. I'm not sure when or if that will ever go.

I lost a voicemail message from my dad not long after he passed and I've never felt pain or cried as much as I did then, because I wont ever hear that voice again.

The only thing I can do, is have lots of pictures of him and talk about him as often as I can, which to some may seem morbid, but I just don't want him to be gone yet and so even though when I think of him I am sad, I also am happy because I love him and that will never change.

Molly x

Fern001
Posted by

Hi Sonia and everyone 

Your post struck me in terms of the quick diagnosis and passing so soon after. You must have been and will still be in shock. I am so sorry xxx