Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

What now?

KarlG1980
Posted by

My father recently passed away after battling bowel and liver cancer for the last 2 years.

Mum and I spent his final days with him, staying at the hospice and watching him slip further away. He eventually succumbed to sepsis, his body leaking green foul smelling gunk from his mouth and nose...We were fortunate enough to be with him as he passed away, both of us holding his hands.

Now is the time for living without him and I am haunted by flashbacks and dreams of his final moments...Also waking from nightmares of myself and everyone I am close to developing cancer.

Is this normal and will it eventually pass?

DaveyBo
Posted by

Hi KarlG

Welcome to the community.  I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your dad.  You and your mum can take great comfort from being there with him when he passed - this would have helped a great deal.

The memories and nightmares you are having is perfectly normal - I had similar experiences.  These do pass in time but remember that everyone grieves in their own way and at their own pace and your brain will know what is best for you.  Your dad will always be around you and will try to comfort and guide you and your mum as best he can.  Maybe you could visit one of your dads favourite places on your own and sit quietly talking to him and let the peaceful feeling come to you.  Talk about your dad with friends, family and anyone who knew him and this will also help rather than holding it all in - don't be afraid to let your emotions out even in public (I had a few episodes in my local supermarket.)  Talk to your friends about your feelings and true friends will stick by you and offer a shoulder to cry on - they don't need to talk just listen while you let your feelings out.

Please contact the support line on 0800 0808 000 which is open daily 9:00 – 8:00 for a free confidential chat. You can use this link your area to find support near where you live. This could be 1-2-1 or group and is also free and confidential. Also, post as much as you want whenever you want here and someone will always respond to you.

This link allows you to download the Macmillan book Coping with Bereavement which is full of useful information and has support contact details at the back. This booklet about bereavement is free and can be downloaded as PDF or as an ebook.

This link takes you to a leaflet called In Memory which is very useful.

Lastly, here are some words which I hope will bring you some comfort -

Death is nothing at all.

I have only slipped away into the next room.

I am I and you are you.

Whatever we were to each other, that we still are.

Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.

Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.

Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.

Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.

Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it be spoken without effect, without the shadow of a ghost in it.

Life means all that it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is unbroken continuity.

Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?

I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around

the corner .......

All is well.

Hope this helps and sending you a big hug.

David

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