Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

25 with no parents

Strawberry21
Posted by

Hi all,

I’ve been following online discussion forums for the last 18 months but never had the courage to actually post. 

Mum got diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer November 2017 and despite having the Whipples Operation and 6 months of adjuvant chemo, the cancer reoccurred in November 2018 and we lost my beautiful Mum on the 5th March 2019. 

Mum was everything to me. She was a mum, dad and best friend all in one. Me and my brother (27) lost our Dad back in 2010. He was only 48 and had an unexpected heart attack. However, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my Dad so the grieving process was completely different. We also had our amazing Mum to support us. 

When we found out Mum was terminal, it literally felt like someone came along and thought “what’s the worst possible thing that can happen to you?” and made it happen. Since she’s actually gone, I’m struggling to see the point in getting up in the morning. Everything I did over the past 18 months was to help my mum and now she’s gone I feel like there’s nothing to get me through the day. 

I’m only 25 and my brother is only 27 and we’re really struggling with the fact we have no parents now. I don’t want to get married, I don’t want to have children, I don’t want to experience anything without my mum by my side. It’s horrible because it’s difficult to meet people our age who have lost one of their parents, never mind both. Nobody knows what to say to us. It’s such a lonely feeling. I feel like the only person who could help us through such a terrible time is my mum, and now she’s not here, I’m lost. 

I was wondering if anyone knows if there are any support groups for people who have lost their parents before the age of 30? I’m hoping it might help if I can talk to people in a similar position.

Mum didn’t want to die, she wanted to watch us get married, watch us become parents and she wanted to be a grandparent. She was 53 and to die at that age seems so unfair. I know it could be worse and she could have died younger, but having already lost one parent I never would have imagined that this would happened to my mum. I just don’t know how I’m ever going to accept this has happened when it so unbelievably unfair. 

Danielle x 

Carolyn28
Posted by

hi Danielle,  

my father died suddenly when I was 16, of a heart attack related to his diabetes and he was my hero, my world, the one I idealised and I took it really hard.  My mum died, of leukaemia,  when I was just into my 30s and I had had three children by then, so not quite in the same situation but I do remember the dark days when dad died.  Mum was very depressed and cried most mornings, so I tried to avoid seeing her before dashing out of the door to get to college. I'm still not sure how I managed that initially, I must have just had to calm myself enough to get past her without bursting into tears so that I could get to college and be semi normal.  If she 'trapped' me in the kitchen we'd both end up in tears and nothing would get done.  My brother was away at uni by this time. 

Try and focus on what would have made her proud, what her hopes and dreams were and remember that every morning when you get up, look in the mirror and make a promise and make every day count. 

I had mixed experiences with counselling, one lady was fantastic and one was lovely but useless. It's worth a try, see your GP. 

As far as groups, this is probably as good a place as any. 

Did you feel a bit of relief just writing it down ???? 

sending hugs

Carolyn

xxx

 real life success stories to remind you that people do survive breast cancer

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_types/breast-cancer/f/38/t/115457

Dr Peter Harvey

https://www.workingwithcancer.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/After-the-treatment-finishes-then-what.pdf