Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Struggling to socialise

faye43
Posted by

Hi,

I lost my Mum on 21/12/2018 to Bowel Cancer,  she died at home and I was with her in her final weeks. 

Mom back to work and seem to be just about managing to get through each day as I have 3 teenagers and a 3 year old to care for.

i seem to be doing ok during the week then just falling apart at the weekend,  I’m guessing as I then don’t have to see anyone.

My partner and I don’t have a particularly good relationship with his parents although we do allow them to see our 3 year old daughter.

( the teenagers are from a different  relationship)

Since loosing my Mum I literally cannot bare the thought of seeing his Mum ever again,  I can’t reply to her messages and the flowers she sent on the day of my Mums funeral went straight in the bin. 

When my partner passed out as a police officer he invited my Mum and not his and is Mum was really annoyed by this and pretty much said she couldn’t believe he’d invited a “ stranger” over his own Mum.  I guess this has stuck and now I feel that as my 3 year olds beloved Nannie is gone,  why should his Mum get to see her/us.

i really don’t ever want to see her again.  

Has as anyone else had feelings that they just don’t want to be around anyone else?. 

Xx 

Archieparchie
Posted by

Hi Faye43,

Sorry for your loss. I too lost my mum just a week after yours. I can relate to having difficulty socialising with people you have had difficult relationships with in the past. I chose to start socialising quite quickly after I lost mum as that is exactly what she wanted to happen. It’s okay with close friends and family. It is much harder where the relationship was strained previously.

i have a friend who hasn’t been so well for a long time which can lead to quite strained get togethers. Since losing mum I just can’t face organising meeting up with them as I don’t have the strength to be cheery for 2 people. I’ve decided to leave the ball in their court. Now, I need friends and will leave them to make the effort.

I don’t know if that’s something you can do with your relative, let them take the lead? You are grieving and those that care will give you leeway to do so and will make the effort to be there for you. Maybe realising that she is needed might make things better. It’s hard to know as people can be funny sometimes.

Good luck on your journey forward x