Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Dreading New Year

GBear
Posted by

, ah Kate I hope you have a great time in Ibiza and carving her name in a tree somewhere on your run sounds really very nice, I am sure she would love that.

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones” 

GBear
Posted by

Hi , I am sorry to hear how your feeling lost and yes its a scary place when we look to the future, but remember its not set, your Mum would be proud of anything you do, your attachments will make her shine every more brighter.

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones” 

Lou12
Posted by

Hi Sunshine

I just wanted to say that I'm sending you a big hug I know it won't help in the least but I'm thinking of you. I haven't been on here much lately and then I saw it was a year for your Mother yesterday. I'm glad to hear your niece was there to sort out games and quizzes for you all, she sounds fab! I'm pretty sure your mother would have be there watching over you all smiling. I hope you are doing as well as you can be today and taking it easy. You're right to take some time out for yourself.

I completely understand the feeling of harsh reality and the concentrating on just getting on the best way you can to get you through the days. It's hard to accept this is it and nothing is going to change. I still think my mother's coming back feels like I'm waiting for something to happen and change. Life goes on and on and we have no choice but to get through it the best we can I suppose.

Ibiza sounds lovely too Kate and the carving of your mother's name in the tree I like that, I always write Mam in the sand whatever beach we go to so she's always with us wherever we go.

Hugs to you all Sunshine, Sunny, Emma, SPu and Gbear.  I'm pretty sure our mother's and friend are proud of how we are coping and carrying on in their memory I know my mother is carried around in my heart wherever I go.

Sending my love to you all, although I don't come on here much I do think of you all often x x x

GBear
Posted by

How is everyone doing? 

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones” 

SPu
Posted by

Hi all

Sorry not been on for a while, been really busy at work and trying to cope with the rollercoaster. Only a couple of months off a year since I lost my beloved Mum. Seems to be getting tougher, not easier, as time passes. Milestone moment today. Kept looking at the pile of clothes in Mum’s bedroom and hearing her say “what use are they doing there when someone could make use of them?”. She’s right, of course, I was keeping them because I couldn’t let go of another piece of her. But today I bagged them up and took them to the charity shop including new slippers/shoes she never got to wear. Heartbreaking but at least this way I hope someone can benefit from wearing everything.

Thank you for checking in on us I hope all is well with you and the rest of our little collective.

Love, strength and hugs xx

Sunny43
Posted by

Hello all - as SPu said, thank you for checking in on us GBear. It’s nearly a year since I lost my wonderful mum. As you said SPu, it seems to be getting tougher than easier, have been having those big waves of grief days recently. There is no easy way of getting through grief, just have to take a day at a time and know that our mum’s are always with us. I was putting a few things in the charity bag yesterday, managed to put a couple of mum’s clothes in, heartbreaking but someone will benefit and mum would be pleased about that. Hope and strength to you all for the week ahead xx

GBear
Posted by

As anniversaries approach then loss can be that be harder too, its good you sent your Mum (s) clothes to a charity shop she would I am sure be happy to help others and every bit really does help. I did a bucket collection once for a charity and this lady came to rather upset, she apologized that she doesn't really carry cash and used her card for her shopping she opened up her purse and emptied all of around 23p and I said to her that, that had meant more to me then anything. I am unsure if she understood as she looked surprised. Its the willingness that counts so much and every penny helps.

I am a mixed bag of emotions but can't decide on something which I know will help but just not sure about it yet. Still processing the news I recently received of another friend who has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer, maybe not as close as my other friend but we used to met up on holiday I dived with his wife and he generally worked too hard. I felt at a lose on what to say or do but I am helping out with advice and its up to them if they except. But I have plunged myself into my art and a new love of photography which I kinda incorporated into my art for painting still trying to get used to my camera and looking for something that inspires me, I like close up photos and amazed at the details you can see as you zoom into a flower petal for example. I am currently painting a tiger in a woodland in snow, not done the woodland but done the tiger.

I hope I don't spoil it, was amazed how it came out. 

Sending gentle hugs to all.

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones” 

SPu
Posted by

I know what you mean the intent and actions can mean so much more than the monetary value of something. Similarly all the money in the world can’t bring my Mum back but a well timed text or hug from a friend is priceless and means so very much. I too am amazed by the beauty in nature but some people just don’t take the time to stop and look. 

I’m sorry to hear your news. I know that despite your own problems you will always do your best to help others. 

Amazing tiger! You’re really progressing, it’s been great to watch your painting  journey over the past year or so

Take care all, sending positive thoughts your way xx

Sunshine19
Posted by

Hey you lovely lot. Thank You, for the kind thoughts and words.  Not been on here much. Last couple of weeks, been manic.

Been a tough, the waves have come hard, from no where, at times. Like when I was standing in the supermarket que on a Saturday, with lots of mum's and daughters everywhere. Tears. Just started rolling. The poor, checkout boy. (It's the popular supermarket, where they just chuck your shopping at you,  he offered to pack for me. bless his heart.) I couldnt speak, just struck at that moment, I would never, have them moments again, even the mundane task of the weekly shop. It's so hard isnt it.  XXX One year on, reality of life without my beautiful mum, is truly sinking in. Not gonna lie, it's hard.  But I have been,continuing with steps towards, the life my mum wanted for me.

Hoping the weather brightens up and I can get out and about, completely agree about the wonder of nature. Don't you think, sometimes when you have experienced, the hardest times. Makes you appreciate the little things in life. Xx I look at the world differently, appreciating little moments and every moment.  

Sending you all the warmest wishes. Xx 

Love the picture as always GBear. Sorry to hear your dad news xx

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Sorry meant sad news x

Sunshine19
K8EH
Posted by

Hello all,

Sorry I haven't been in touch much - I just wanted to have a breather and to process emotions and take each day. I've thought about you all and often wondered how you were getting on and if you were coping.

The last few weeks have been a mixed bag if I'm honest. Leading up to my holiday in Ibiza, I had some serious anxiety which I hadn't ever dealt with before. It was coming up to an anniversary when mum phoned me to tell me she had been to the doctors and something was wrong. At that point, we didn't know it was cancer but for me but that was a day where everything changed. Nothing was lighthearted after that and the tears and the worry started from that day onwards. I sadly had a little breakdown that week and struggled to get to work - having to take a taxi. Once I got there, I couldn't concentrate and luckily had a telephone appointment with a doctor to speak about counselling/ CBT therapy and getting some help. 

After that Friday, a low weekend followed and then my trip to Ibiza. It was a weird experience - not necessarily one I will look back at with fond memories. I visited a beach whilst I was there and it was the same one mum and I had been to. I went for regular swims in the sea and looked back at my sun bed, not seeing her in the bed next to mine. It was a hard trip and one evening was simply spent in the hotel with me crying my eyes out ! But I did process a lot and I think it served a purpose. 

Since I've been back - the waves have been a little calmer. I'm continuing with my training and working with an app - 8 weeks, 5k so I can build a foundation before I start with the hardcore training that will come in October. This week will be a tough one as the 5th September was a year ago that mum got the diagnosis. I know all these dates are looming and I know you just have to face them front on. For the anniversary of my mums death on the 12th October, I have booked a 10K Ovarian cancer run at the London Olympic stadium. I want to honour it in this way. I will then spend the rest of the day with my dad and sister in Norfolk - trying to remember the wonderful person my mother was.

Anyway, enough on me. GBear, so terribly sorry to hear about your other friend. Cancer really doesn't discriminate - it is just everywhere. Your picture was really great - the colours were spot on. 

Sunshine - sorry to hear about your waves too.

Hope all of you are finding that great strength to find a way through the bad days and embracing the more positive days.

Much love to you all always xxxx

No easy answers
Posted by

Hello ladies,  sorry haven't been in touch in so long.  Thanks for your message, Kate, i was wondering how your Ibiza trip went and thinking of you, and all of you as we ride the waves.  

I've had some really hard times over the last month, my sister hit a really bad patch a few weeks back' and I had to bring her away from the brink again which took quite a while. It's frightening trying to support someone through grief when they also have their own demons, for her it's alcohol and it's scary when it gets bad. She's doing much better now but  none of this is a smooth ride, just when you think you're getting somewhere positive it all hits you again. Been missing mum so very much lately and similar to Kate I've come up to the anniversary of the diagnosis, and this Friday would have been mum's seventieth birthday, and it's just insane that she's not here for us to spoil her and make a fuss.

I've started seeing a counsellor privately and had a good first couple of sessions, will see how it goes from here. I also had a day long workshop with the Loss Foundation, which was good though really emotional. Guess we all have to muddle through in any way we can . Sorry for a bit of a ramble but I've been trying to find the time to write to you all for ages and just let you know Im thinking of you, and sending lots of love your way.

Take care all     

Emma 

xx

K8EH
Posted by

Aww Emma,

I thought about you all yesterday and wondered whether to write a follow up to see how you all were.

So sorry to hear about your sister. It’s hard enough having to deal with you own grief but trying to keep her going must be so full on and demanding. I’m glad you’re getting to see a counsellor too. I hope to start some up again in the coming months. I know it’s not for everyone but I found it a massive relief. I hope you do too.

It’s almost a year since mums passing on the 12th October. I still find myself not really believing my mum has gone. Even today when phoning my dad, I imagined her picking up the phone and sounding really happy and cheery. I still don’t understand why this has happened to us all but then I read something the other day when it said, why not us? Why not me? 

Almost finished my running app and then I will start my full on marathon training shortly. It’s nice to have a positive focus. 

I often think about you all and hope you’re finding strength to keep on ploughing through the waves.

Lots of love always xxxx

GBear
Posted by

Hi Kate ,

I have actually finished the painting now

Sorry to hear about the waves but as your anniversary comes up its no wonder, I try hard to forget dates as silly as it sounds I try to avoid remembering, yet it doesn't work I remember every date of trauma. Maybe its our minds trying to get us to deal with all the thoughts. When's your next big run?

Sending you gentle hugs

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones” 

GBear
Posted by

Hi Emma ,

Its sounds like your sister has a wonderful sister looking out for her, its really sad to hear her problems with drink as well as the grief that your both going though. It sounds like the workshop helped you a lot and I am pleased to hear the counselling sessions are going OK, don't worry about sounding like your rambling better to be said here and no one here will judge you. We all go though those bad days differently, for me I have had so many other worries my mind gas shut down and doesn't want to deal with it at the moment so I have tried distracting myself more with my art, it helps a lot more then I realised when I joined an art class there a great bunch we have a good laugh and its a great escape from all the worries outside. But admittly I am exhausted both physical and mentally and so I know how important it is to, to express those thoughts counselling helps some and my thought is if it helps go for it, the problems many have is there are times people have said they have problems seeing one so it is another worry so I am glad you have access. Does your sister have any other support network out there to support her drink problems as well as everything else. I know many areas do have support groups but sometimes they are not well known, I know some church groups other support but worth checking out if she hasn't, it may help you both.

Sending gentle hugs to you both

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“life is like a box of chocolates, we search for the good ones first and hope not to have to eat the bad ones”