Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Dreading New Year

SPu
Posted by

Hi all

Hope you’ve had a good Easter.

deffo agree - better to have things in moderation than not at all. The more I deny myself something the more I want it - even if I’m not that fussed normally  Sorry to hear about Stanley. I’m a firm believer that all animals have feelings - it’s arrogant of us humans to believe otherwise. My cats were definitely tuned into us/me - they knew when I was sad/needed them and they would comfort me. He is probably, as you say, just a little unsettled that your Dad isn’t there so soon after your Mum - but you are and he will appreciate that. Oodles of cuddles deffo in order! Maybe also the sudden heat? Just keep an eye on him maybe.

I had a sudden flurry of sorting out yesterday. The dining room still has Mum’s bed in it and, as it’s a through room, I kinda need to sort it out. My Mum would want someone to be using it - it’s practically brand new, hardly used. But it had lots of stuff on it that I’d just left there waiting for her to come home - clean sheets, pillows, hot water bottles, her little cushion. So now I just have a clear bed. Also sorted her slippers etc. into charity v rubbish.  Mixed feelings now but I had to do it. I know she’d want me to. 

Anyway, enough of me. Hope everyone is doing ok.

Have a strong and peaceful week xxx

Sunshine19
Posted by

Hey SPu, 

Yep defiently think he was pinning. He is fine now he has daddy home. Xx First month my mum was in hospital. He was exactly the same. Not eating, whimpering. Xx He defiently feels it. XXX 

Awww bless you .It's so hard. But like you said needs to be done. Most of mum's is done. There are the last few bits to sort .I must admit 9 months on. I keep putting of the last bits. Just don't want it to be so final. Xx but I have given lots away to people she would want to have. Crafts mainly. She was so creative .Every child in the family got a lovely craft boxX, full to the brim. She would love thisXx

Only two more days at work and then off for 11 days. Off to the south west coast. Can't wait. Xx 

Peaceful week to you all too

Sunshine19
SPu
Posted by

Aw glad Stanley is better . Have a fab, hopefully sunny ️ break xx

No easy answers
Posted by

Hi everyone, hope your week is going ok so far. GBear, those owls are just beautiful! So talented. Hope you are doing ok

I've been having a few waves the last week or so, after quite a long period of calm. Yesterday, at the worst time (ducking to the loo between meetings at work) a few of the hardest memories from mum's illness come back clear and true. Tough, tough times we went through. Maybe I've been pushing them aside a bit lately as I've been feeling more positive in general. I never want to pretend those hard times didn't happen, but I do want to be able to remember mum for her whole, complete self, as I know she would hate for us to only remember her in her illness. 

I'm off work today for life admin - treated myself to the dentists and opticians in one day, so rock and roll! Even though I'm pushing 40 mum would still be proud to know that I got a glowing report from both - gold star from dentists and apparently I'm still hanging on to 20-20 vision :) Haha, so silly but I'd always have called her after just to let her know how I got on - she really cared, like all our mums did, even about the little things - because she cared about me. I called my sister instead and tried to persuade her to get an eye test and a dental check up herself, since she's left it about ten years and mum would nag her to get it sorted!

For the rest of the day I'm thinking about a bit of gardening, and might try and figure out how to make some fabric tiebacks for my curtains. Just like you've all been saying, those are things mum would be so great at, and she'd take pleasure from helping me with. I'm sad we can't do these little things together but as with you all, I'm really lucky to have had a mum who gave me not just the knowledge but the confidence to do things myself. I'll be listening out for her words of guidance and wisdom

Sunshine, wishing you a wonderful break in the beautiful south west, such a gorgeous part of the world. Wishing a good week to everyone. Lots of love to you and to our dear ones, gone but never forgotten.

Emma

xxx

SPu
Posted by

Aw sending rubber rings, dinghies and virtual hugs your way to ride and survive those waves!

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

K8EH
Posted by

Hi Emma, Spu, Lou, Sunshine, GBear, Sunny and everyone else who may be reading.

Emma, we all recognise your thoughts and the emotions you’ve been dealing with. I feel like I’m on a calm stretch of water at the moment but I know it won’t be long until a wave comes my way. As Spu said, sending a life jacket and some rubber rings your way. You will overcome this wave, like the others you have before and we’re all here always.

Tonight, I’ve finally just managed to run 10K! And I just wanted to let you know, I did it for my mum - your mums, Gbears friend and everyone else that’s lost someone to the cruel disease that is cancer! Our dear mums may have suffered but we’re also still fighting a battle (green eyed monster that is grief) and we’ll all get there - with a whole load of rubber rings, dinghies, life jackets etc.

Below, a snapshot from tonight’s run (I had to pause at this point) there is hope through those trees.

Sending much love to you all xxxxx

SPu
Posted by

Yeay! Well done ! Great work.

Have to admit I’m struggling too. Such a dichotomy in my life. After a few unhappy working years my new job is great and going well. On the flip side not having Mum or anyone special to share that with is just so soul destroying. Friends are great but it’s just not enough sometimes. I know I’ll get through this, I have to but it’s all round just a little bit rubbish at times.

Thanks all for listening and being there.

Love n hugs all xxxx

GBear
Posted by

Beautiful photo , you have done really well with your running, I think our loved ones will be proud.

Well done!

  GBear Xxxx 

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Sunshine19
Posted by

Thank You Emma xxx Can't wait to be honest. XXX

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Sending hugs SPu xx 

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Awesome Kate .Amazing photo. Xx

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Hey all. Xx 

Thinking of you all. XX

Odd week of emotions, bit choppy to be honest. Moments of calm and then the biggest waves. Xx.

Lots going on here. Im missing, having my mum as support. Xx

So looking, forward to some time out. Xx

Im so exhausted.xxx 

Does anyone else, feel like this. I feel, I've been on the longest treadmill. Been running, soooo fast to keep going. And now I'm shattered. Xx So I plan to walk on the beach, sleep, read and enjoy the odd glass of prosecco. xx I know my mum, would want us to look after ourselves and rest and recharge. Xx 

Wishing you all a settled week.

Sunshine19
SPu
Posted by

Hey

Yep, totally recognise those feelings and the constant feeling of exhaustion. Sleep doesn’t seem to refresh me in the slightest.

Enjoy your break and take in the calming sea air.

Thinking of everyone.

xx

Sunny43
Posted by

Hi SPu and all. I’m pleased to hear your new job is going well SPu and can understand how bittersweet it feels. We just want to tell our mum’s don’t we. I read things in the paper and see things on the television and my first thought is, I would love to tell mum. Mum and me shared the same sense of humour, now I don’t have mum to laugh at things with. I could sit with mum and not say a word, but, that was fine, it was a comfortable silence, because I was with mum. Sometimes the simplest things in life are the best. Your right SPu, it is soul destroying, but, we will get through this. We are all here for you, your not alone. 

A big well done from me too Kate - fantastic, another lovely photo too. I find myself looking up to the sky more and noticing the stars/colouring of the sky.

Hope you all manage to get through the weekend ok. Enjoy the sea air Sunshine.

Thinking of you all - love & light xxx

Lou12
Posted by

Morning all,

Hope you have a lovely holiday Sunshine. Like Spu said relax and enjoy.

Glad to hear your job is going well SPu

Well done on your run Kate and thanks for sharing your photo with us. 

I'm the same with feeling exhaustion even though thankfully I'm sleeping I wake up feeling awful, like I haven't slept at all. 

Hope you are ok Sunny, Gbear and Emma, been thinking of you all.

Missing my mother more than ever.

X x x