Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Dreading New Year

K8EH
Posted by

Hello ladies,

Firstly, thank you so much for all your kind messages of support, dingys, rainbows, dolphins and kind, kind words. You really all are saints. 

Managed to get through Thursday and Friday. Friday was tough - anxiety, slight panic on trains and generally feeling woozy. I was meant to go to a new team dinner with my new job but I just couldn't manage it. I know what my limits are these days and I'd managed to get up, into work and out but nothing more. Friday night was a similar affair to you Sunshine. Bath, pjs, a bit of tv and bed. In fact, I think I fell asleep by 9! The rest of the weekend has been ok. Waves of missing mum but also spending time in the garden, looking at all the plants and flowers that my mum had grown for me back in Norfolk. There are a few that she bought just before she was diagnosed that she wanted to plant but eventually couldn't. I've planted them and am watching them flourish - such a shame I can't tell her. 

Went for a 7k jog on Saturday evening. Really beautiful skies and so lovely to be surrounded by a trees, birds and flowers in a park near me. Still not managed to run all 7k, still having to do a few walks in that but seeing a little progress two weeks in. 

How are you all doing? Hope your weekends were peaceful and wishing you lots of strength for the week ahead. 

Thank you again for all your support - I know you guys get it (sadly) and so I'm very grateful for your support and hope I can return the favor / rubber rings when you may need them.

Sending lots of love to you all.

Kate xxxxx

Sunshine19
Posted by

It's bright, but still nippy. My heating broke so currently sitting under a throw. In my winter PJ's

You too Spu, hope you have a calm week. Xx

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Aww Kate, sorry you have had a tough week. Xx hope for calmer times this coming week xx 

Early nights are the best. Xx 

Aww sounds lovely with the garden. My mum loved her garden, too. XXX  We are waiting for the frost to go and am going to do some planting. Xx 

Your jog sounds perfect .xx lovely to get out and about. Well done you.

I'm enjoying the gym. Even if a 85 absolutely slayed me on the cross trainer. It was soooo funny, I was huffing and puffing.  could hardly talk and he start chatting, he said "when I turned 85, I knew I had to do something" I was so shocked I nearly fell off.  Funny really a you had to be there moment and who was the first person I wanted to tell. Mum of course . Missing her so much. But trying my hardest to do as she want and have lots of fun. The other night it was just me and my big sister in the gym. We just chatted and laughed and laughed. I thought my mum would have loved that. 

Totally get the getting through the day and work. But knowing when your limits. For someone who was a socially butterfly and always in the thick of it .I now live my own company or infact need the space at the end of the day to reconvine  Xx

I have a friends wedding, this week. Lots of us from work going. I just get so exhausted these days, battling through the day. Hope I make it 9pm xx 

Wishing you all a settled week. Xx 

Sunshine19
GBear
Posted by

Sorry to hear a few had a very tough weekend. I went on Saturday to walk over a bridge that's closed in the week for work but the walkway is open weekends, blimey thought I was going to get blown off and the wind was bitterly cold, don't really know where it came from. But it proved how in the town it was sheltered. I wanted to take some pictures of the new bridge and back ground but it was very difficult, first the very high railings I was very glad of for sure, but it was difficult to focus camera though the gap not to mention my fingers got so cold that I was afraid of dropping my phone. I have a great camera on my phone, not bad really. I think winter has returned and to think its Easter next weekend. After some really nice warm sunshine its returned to grey, cold skies. But maybe a few rainbows this week to see as we are expecting rain over the next few days. 

I am glad to hear the plants are doing well that have been planted for your Mum Kate. Oh and sunshine lol isn't it really funny when an 85 year old guy makes us look terrible in the gym. Its always good to have a giggle in the gym to keep us motivated.

Have a great week everyone

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“Don't live in the past, but live for today” 

Sunny43
Posted by

Hi all.  The last few days those big waves have been hitting me. I definitely need the rubber rings/dingy please. I had to get something from mum’s room, I very rarely go in, as I just find it too upsetting, looking at mum’s clothes etc. The drawer that I had to look in, had mum’s hairbrush in, I’m just thankful the hairbrush still has mum’s hair on. I always brushed mum’s hair every morning then cleaned it, but, in the last week of mum’s life, I did not bother, as you can imagine there were lots of other things going on. I’m just pleased I have mum’s hair, even though looking at the hairbrush is heartbreaking.

My mum loved flowers, trees too Kate. The pear tree in the back garden is in white blossom at the moment, it looks lovely and mum always liked to see the pear tree in spring. I always liked nature, but, I find myself taking more notice of trees, flowers, the birds and find it so peaceful and beautiful.

As Kate said, I’m so grateful for all of your support too.

Love Julia xxx

SPu
Posted by

Hey good to hear from you, hope you are feeling a little better? Your pictures are lovely and make us smile, thank you.

Gosh I know! Quite chilly! But meant to be warming up for the weekend

Hope you manage to get the photos then maybe.

Have a good week/Easter xx

SPu
Posted by

Hey I’m the same...haven’t been able to do anything with Mum’s hairbrush, washbag, recent clothes, blankets, little cushion.  Too painful. I understand and empathise completely.

Rubber rings, dinghies, lots of love and virtual hugs coming out to all of you xxx

Sunny43
Posted by

Thanks SPu  and thank you for the rubber rings, dinghies and virtual hugs too - we all understand here. Like I said, I can’t look at mum’s clothes, make up or little cushions either, as you said, just too painful.

Thinking of you all xxx

Sunshine19
Posted by

Awww sending rubber rings, dinghies and virtual hugs, your way ladies. Xx 

I'm very very tired tonight. Bathed and PJ's already. I just feel exhausted. I'm Inot the best when I'm tired. Super emotional. I spends my days happy and up beat, trying my hardest to fulfill her wishes of building a good life, but the one person, I wanthe most, to just check in with, just that Mum boost.  I can't. Nothing in particular, you know, when you just want your mum. No particular reason. I'm just missing her, just missing that mum love.  XXXX 

I'm gonna snuggly down and know she always with me. And would be telling be, I'll be ok  Xx 

Sending you all calm wishes. Xx

Sunshine19
Sunny43
Posted by

I’m missing my best friend in the world, just want mum. I really miss talking to mum about the everyday things. Sometimes I say something to dad and on a few occasions I have said mum, instead of dad. It really is such a difficult journey that we are all on. Your right Sunshine, we are all missing that mum love xxx

K8EH
Posted by

Just wrote a long reply, went to add a picture and the whole thing disappeared!!  

Wanted to send you both a huge hug. I’ll join that missing your mum bus this evening. I went out for a run earlier and realised I’d put my running trousers on inside out and back to front. The one person who I know would have chuckled at that was mum! We were both pretty clumsy. 

I also had a dream about her last night. I dreamt she spoke to me, telling me she was ok and that I must carry on. I was crying and telling her how much I missed her and she was encouraging me saying how well I was doing and that she believed in me. I woke up calmer this morning and that I’d somehow connected with her. Sure that’s a bit bizarre.  

Saw these lines in the sky tonight on my run - felt like there are always messages on my runs from her. 

Sending you all buckets full of love. 

Bath and bed! 

Xxxxxxx

hopefully tomorrow I’ll have some more words of wisdom xx

Sunny43
Posted by

Hi Kate. It seems there are quite a few of us on the mum bus. Mum and me laughed at the same things too, we shared the same sense of humour.

They say dreams are another way that our loved ones connect with us. Your mum, I’m not going to say would - but is proud of you, our mum’s are always with us.

Another lovely picture and another sign from your mum too.

love xxx

GBear
Posted by

I said I would share my picture when I have given it to my friend. I hope you like it and I hope it makes you all smile.

Oh and I made this today a very funky bunny

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“Don't live in the past, but live for today” 

K8EH
Posted by

Gbear I love, love, love the picture!! Lucky friend to receive it. Thank you for sharing it - put such a smile on my face.

Also love the bunny. Did you just make that one? Freya, my niece would love him. If you make anymore, could I buy one from you? He has such a lovely face xxx

GBear
Posted by

The bunny is so easy to make I thibk your niece would love making one too. All you need is a sock, rice and wooly filling, ribbons, pen and some elastic bands and a good giggle.

You roll down your sock, pour in rice to a height of approx an inch. Then fill the sock up to just below the foot end before I goes to the ankle. Tie it with an elastic band then you have your bunny face which is two which we had plastic eyes with stoppers to stop them coming out. You pour more rice in to make the head shape mostly towards the nose shape and add more stuffing. Tie off with another elastic band with enough sock to make the ears. I then cut the top of the sock in half forming the ears then shaped them and drew on the the mouth etc. At the bottom of your bunny, you can make your bunny tail by grabbing abit from the lower part of the bunny and tie it off with an elastic band.

I hope you can see the tail, it didn't photo very well.

As an edit I forgot to mention that I made it at my support group, great fun sometimes its cards we make sometimes other craft things, I do confess I love the bunny. I believe we are making hedgehog next month not sure when I am sure it be good fun. Actually thinking about what you were saying about your neice I wonder how much it would cost for the stuffing filler for the sock etc? 

  GBear Xxxx 

What is a Community Champion?    Womb cancer forum  

Call the helpline for free on 08088080000, 8am to 8pm everyday.

“Don't live in the past, but live for today”