Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and support one another.

Dreading New Year

SPu
Posted by

Yes I have a photo of Mum and I on the mantlepiece which I talk to but sometimes just breaks my heart to see. Happier times. I constantly replay bits in my head which I would rather forget so I can just be left with the nice memories and stop the regrets and stuff I did wrong or said.

Erm “enjoy” the weeding....

xx

K8EH
Posted by

I hear you on that. I hope one day it will all only be happy memories. I bet you did nothing or said anything wrong. It’s no doubt your mum would have known how much she was loved. My mum said that the last 10 days. She felt very loved and didn’t want to go yet

Thanks - you’ll find me talking to my newly grown daffodils xxxx

SPu
Posted by

Thanks I hope she did. The end came unexpectedly so my Mum didn’t get a chance to tell me anything like that. I just have to hope and pray she heard everything I was saying to her and know how very very much I love and miss her. Xx

K8EH
Posted by

Not to be morbid but apparently they say that hearing is one of the last things to go when someone is at the final stage - so she would have heard & known how loved she was by you xxxx

Sunny43
Posted by

Hello all. I know what you mean about Mother’s Day, whenever I see the advert for it on the television I switch over or turn the sound off. We have a lovely photo of mum in the living room, I took the picture of mum a few years ago, when mum looked well. I still can’t look at it and if I do happen to glance, it breaks my heart. I replay a lot of things in my head too SPu, I wish I had a stop button in my head, everyone has regrets, I know I do, but, nobody is perfect and we are only human. Someone said, try not to let regrets beat you up and try to think of them as lessons in life, easier said than done though. My mum went quick in the end too, we had no idea, the nurses kept giving us mixed messages, saying it was a urine infection and that mum would start to feel better in a couple of days. Mum then went in to a deep sleep, the nurses said that mum would be able to still hear us, I hope she did, we just kept telling mum how wonderful she was and how much we loved her, I even said, please mum don’t leave us, stay with us. As I now know with cancer, it is so unpredictable. 

I hope everyone gets through the weekend ok and I hope you have a peaceful time in the garden Kate. Mum loved the spring season and mum would have liked the daffodils in our garden, we don’t have a lot, but, it’s better than none.

Take care all xx

GBear
Posted by

I am still having to have a break from the site but just wanted to say i am thinking of you all and sending you all a big hug. Although I still have my mum, mother’s day and the day before has always been difficult for me for other sad reasons for a very long time. It never used to be and i try to be happy, but I understand how having mothers day pushed everywhere must be very hard when you have lost your mums but someone said the other day to me, remember the love, remember the good and each day will be filled with happiness. Its not that easy but I understand what they were trying to say. 

I have also been doing some paintings for Easter, at my pain support group they have a raffle to raise money for the group and the local disability charity and i have donated three of my fun paintings for the raffle. I will share when i have finished them. 

  GBear Xxxx 

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Sunny43
Posted by

Thinking of you too GBear. We will look forward to seeing your paintings xx

SPu
Posted by

Ditto. Thank you for checking in @GBear. Thinking of you too and, as says, looking forward to seeing the paintings.

Keep strong xx

Sunshine19
Posted by

Hey Spu, Bruce Springsteen he is a singer. Xx yeh, can relate to that. Xx I think it's knocking my immune system. I feel ill again.

I actually sobbed to a Moonpig advert, then sobbed as I told my friend I sobbed to a Moonpig advert. She sobbed too. I said to her " it's silly, I love and miss my mum every day". It just that advert, but it hits nerve. She was cute and said I was in Sainsbury's and saw the cards and thought of you. . This week I will do lots of Mothers Days crafts at work. I will think of my mum but when I little she loved my handy work. So I know she'd love that, I was helping some little unsure to make prescious memories too. 

Loving the light mornings and light eves. Just need a bit of sun and spring has sprung. Xx

Kate - good on you with the garden. I was gonna cut the grass, but I've slept for 2hrs instead. 

Wishing you all a calm weekend. XXX 

Sunshine19
Sunshine19
Posted by

Excuse the typos. I never know. How to edit once sent. Xx

Sunshine19
Sunny43
Posted by

The Moonpig advert has me in tears too, like I said, when I see the adverts for Mother’s Day I hurry to switch them off or turn the sound off. The card that we bought for mum last year is in my room in a drawer, just too painful to look at if - we put the card in mum’s room last year and kept it there, until mum passed. 

Wishing you all a peaceful weekend xx

K8EH
Posted by

Hi all,

Just wanted to say hi all and how is everyone? 

Honestly, I’m really struggling this week. I had to hide in the loo today and have a little cry as the whole mother’s day thing is really getting to me. I saw my counsellor last night and had a brain dump and felt a little better yesterday but I seem to be battling a few waves at the moment - they don’t seem to be giving me any real space to breathe! Doing the old traditional thing of bath and bed tonight. Really miss my mum - I looked at photos of her earlier and was just shocked, staring in complete amazement that she’s gone. Does anyone else do that? 

Sorry to brain dump on you guys too. Hope you’re all having brighter weeks xx

Lots of love to you all xxxx

ps. Signed up to the 2020 marathon yesterday - to run on behalf of target ovarian cancer. I will find a way to run in mums memory. 

Sunshine19
Posted by

Aww Kate, sending you virtual hugs .XXX totally relate about Mother's Day X Also the amazement my beautiful mum is go too. I was folding my washing earlier and just thinking about the day/ week. And was thinking I can't believe she not here. It will be 8 months on Thursday. I have these moments, where I think I can't believe this happened to us. Cancer and dying from Cancer.  Xx  I miss her soooooo much. Xx  I'm doing bath and bed too. Had enough today. I was supposed to be out for colleagues leaving drinks. Just couldn't face it. 

Kate how fantastic about the Marathon. What a lovely positive thing to do in your mum's memory Xx My cousin is running for a Charity, who provided accomodation for us during my mum's treatment. So will be there. Your have to give me your running numberSo I can track and cheer you on. your be like who's the loon shouting me. Love Marathon Day .Such a great atmosphere. Xx 

A little  positive thing, today I had the kindness of a stranger.

I was walking through the corridor at work and a lady who I just say hello too. Polite conversation,  rather than a friend come up bedside me gave me a little squeeze and said "just wanted to say " I'm thinking of you" I know Mother Day will be tough. Xx

I was very touched. Kindness of a stranger. I think as time goes by people don't acknowledge as they scared they will upset you, or tbh it's not forefront of their mind.  Where it's consuming mine. So for someone to take time to acknowledge and care.  I was touched. XXX 

Sending all the warmest wishes. 

 

Sunshine19
K8EH
Posted by

Thanks Sunshine for brightening my evening. Thank you also for understanding - I’m sorry you’re in this situation too but I’m so greateful you get it. 

Thats so nice - the person who gave you a squeeze. I remember those moments and thoughts more - as it is simply so thoughful.

I’ve applied for a place but I don’t think I hear anything until October but I’ll keep you all updated and of course, will give you my number if I get a place. I downloaded couch to 5k earlier as I’m really not very fit and need to start somewhere. I’m hoping running will help with positive thinking and anxiety. It will be a journey and one I can do in my mums honour - with my mum by my side, when I want to give up or not run. 

Thanks again for cheering me up. I’m sure I won’t even make it to 930pm this evening  

lots of love xxxx

Lou12
Posted by

Hi Kate, Sunshine, Sunny, SPu and Gbear

Just wanted to send you a big virtual hug! Wish there was more I could do for you. Just know we are here and we understand.

No need to apologise for the brain dump.  I'm also struggling with the thought of Mother's Day someone piped up in the office today how it was Mother's Day on Sunday don't think she realised till after she had said it that I was sat there, the adverts are constantly on it feels like it's being rubbed in my face. Not sure what I'm going to do on the day it will come soon enough of course.

I myself still find it hard to look at pictures of my mother, and I also still feel disbelief she's gone. 

That's lovely that someone took the time to say that to you Sunshine. Sometimes I find people I hardly know are kinder than people I do know.

I just wanted to reply to say I'm thinking of you all.

Well done on signing up for the marathon! If it was a walk I could do it, I just can't run at all.

Anyway I hope you all have a good sleep tonight x x x x