Bereaved family and friends

For anyone who has lost a family member or friend to cancer to share their feelings and get emotional support.

The day my Mum went to Heaven

Dazza
Posted by

The day my Mum went to heaven, was unexpected, I mean my mum had Breast Cancer we all knew that, but she was going to pull through no matter what wasn't she?

If only I knew that day was going to come from the very first moment she was diagnosed with cancer.
No matter what new battle she faced I always thought she would win the war.  As I look back now and think of her frail body in the wheelchair, being pushed by my Dad the loving couple through thick and thin, I would have been there for her more, I would have took more of her "annoying calls" oh it's Mum again calling me at what I thought were irritatingly regular times. I'd have spoke to her all day about anything and everything if I'd have known that day was going to come!
Hindsight is a great thing isn't it, if only we could predict the future. Sadly we can't, life comes and life goes.  That's the very nature of it.  It's a cruel world, but it's fair.
My mum died four years ago, and I still have all the journey as one big blur.
I recall the day she visited me in Manchester with my Dad, they lived in Cumbria.  They told me she was having to go for as an in her breast as she'd had one a while ago, and found "calcium deposits" they wanted to check on.
Well they weren't calcium deposits, they were of course cancerous.  This resulted in my Mum having a mastectomy and I watched her recover from it with pain from the breast reconstruction.  
As far as I knew that was that, the cancer was gone, hooray!
The next time I saw her on a visit to me in Manchester some months later she was in good spirits, having a laugh and a joke playing bowling on the Nintendo Wii.  But soon after playing that she was tired and having to take naps.  This was the sign we should have picked up on.  As shortly after she was diagnosed with cancer again, after a tumour was found in her shoulder.
She was placed on medication, but not chemo or radiotherapy. In fact she only started radiotherapy a while later, after I visited the hospital to see the onchologist with her and Dad.
All the while we were told not to worry, there was lots they could do for her.
They did try some chemo, but by now the cancer had spread to various places. Eventually she ended up wheelchair bound.  
But still she fought on, as did we.
It was just after Christmas, January time. I had a call from Dad to say mum wasn't well. Another of the calls, of which there'd been a few to say she was having one of those times.  Now on this Friday it was supposed to be our delayed works Christmas party on the Saturday, so I had a choice, go home to visit Mum and Dad or go to the party.
The choice I made was to go home, and in the 150 mile drive I had this feeling inside me that I'd never had before. I knew something was waiting for me on my arrival.
When I got home Dad was shooting into the kitchen to get something and it seemed like chaos was ensuing.
I got to speak to Dad, and I simply said to Dad "this is the end isn't it Dad, mums got days" he broke down and didn't have to say anything.
When I saw my Mum her face was like a balloon.  I helped the nurse and dad move her in bed and she spoke a few words, "don't worry son I'm going to be alright"
After that the nurse visited each day and hospice at home giving her morphine, which briefly gave her some spark of life.
At these moments I lied next to her and told her over and over how much I loved her, I got a squeeze from her hand on one occasion and the tears rolled down my cheeks.
I'm lucky in some sense that we, as a family we're by her side when she drifted to heaven.
I hope this story hasn't upset anybody suffering, but I want the moral of the story to be, if your suffering with cancer be strong gain courage and strength from your family and loved ones. If you're the family of anyone suffering from cancer be there for them, help them with their battle all is not lost.
One day I may grieve properly, I may find time in my life to reflect on things, but speaking openly about this has helped me with my loss. Whilst typing I admit there's been tears.
 ellie68
Posted by

Such a Lovely thread, straight from the Heart.

Your Mum would be so proud of you.


Thank You for Sharing.


Take Care Ellie x

Dazza
Posted by

Thanks Ellie.

I hope it helps people to understand to keep people they love close to them and ensure they make time for those in need.

Ivyy
Posted by

Dazza thank you so much for sharing as openly as you have. 

Hindsight is indeed a wonderful thing however when we look back on a situation we often forget OF THE CIRCUMSTANCES SURROUNDING OUR BEHAVIOURS and the reasons as to why we behaved the way we did then. Tiredness and emotional considerations we felt at that time in the past are forgotten as we focus on all of the things we didn't do or could have done better. We all do it ! 

You sound like a loving person and your mum KNEW how much you loved her.

As my mum was dying I did a video and on it she said there should never be a cause for sorrow or guilt between a child and it's mother because all mum's love their children no matter how they behave . That video now gives me great comfort. 

Thank you for posting as you have. My mum died just 5 weeks ago and I feel worse than ever I thought I was coping so well then the Tsunami of grief hit me and I simply can't cope. Reading your post has helped me because you got through this and are 4 yrs on. Your mum would be so proud of you posting as you have . I know because I'm a mum ! 

Thank you x

Dazza
Posted by

Thank you, and so sorry to hear of your loss.

I hope I've helped in some way with your new journey ahead X.

Jay to the K
Posted by

I lost my mum on 19th March 2016.  I have not posted anything on this site since those last few days in the hospice.  I have tried to "get on" with my life whilst also grieving and still working and being a husband and father.  Thank you for sharing your story Dazza- it's one similar to my mother's- bile duct cancer that was "cured" and then came back with a horrible, horrible vengance.  There are no easy words but there are things that will ease the pain- love is perhaps the thing that brings the most relief- the love you had for your mum, she for you and the love that you give to those around you who you cherish.  Death is a terrible thing, truly terrible.  But we have to live and continue- what realistic choice is there?  Use your mother's love to guide you forwards- she is still there with you and always will be.  

Dazza
Posted by

Thank you! May I wish you well

lauz1984
Posted by

Wow what a lovely story am sure ur mum is very proud of u  u brough a tear to my eye what amzing lady ur mum was and ur a very strong person even tho u may think u ant my nan died 13 years ago and i was with her every day for the 6 weeks she was here  i never spent as much time with her as i wish i did lookin bk now but at the time i was scared of her diedin in front of me but my nan died peachfully in the early morning time now my auntie has cancer that cant be cured and thats really hard so i know what ur sayin 

Dazza
Posted by

Thank you! Be strong and keep smiling..

ChellieVG
Posted by

Thankyou for sharing Darren,

We were told on Thursday my dad has around a year...he has Oesophagul cancer for the 2nd time..


Im angry, sad, every emotion I can think of...I just hope I can find the bravery you have x

hadamson
Posted by

Hi Dazza - your message is so powerful and has left me in tears. Loss is so hard. There are no words. I want to wish you well in whatever you do - your Mum would be so proud of you. Helen

Dazza
Posted by

So sorry to hear of your news! Be strong and be there for him, just enjoy each day and not let it get to you! Wishing you all the luck.

Dazza
Posted by

hadamson

Hi Dazza - your message is so powerful and has left me in tears. Loss is so hard. There are no words. I want to wish you well in whatever you do - your Mum would be so proud of you. Helen


Good luck Helen, wish you well in all that you do!

Dazza
Posted by

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