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Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Anticipatory Grief - help!

Posted by

 Hi folks, 

I’m 44 and my mum is 67, and in year she was given a terminal diagnosis of multiple bowel NETs with METs in the liver and omentum. Although my mum was already suffering from MS and osteoarthritis (two new hips and one new knee in two years) we just weren’t ready for this sudden, devastating news. 

My father was killed in an accident when I was 14, 30 years ago, and to be honest I’ve only just finished the grieving process through a lot of therapy in the last three years. Three years ago I nearly lost my own life due to veinous thromboembolism. I am really struggling at the moment and am waiting to go back to counselling. 

While at the moment mum seems relatively ‘well’ her sudden decline - wheelchair, massive weight loss, inability to eat certain foods, weakness et etc is incredibly hard to bear. Not helped by the fact we live 300 miles apart. I do feel I am grieving already, I know there is limited time, so I don’t think I can cope with my life feeling the way I am at the moment. 

If anyone has any help that they could give me I’d be grateful.

Posted by

Hi, I'm so sorry about your mum and all that you have had to deal with in the past. Anticipatory grief is real and I've only just put the name to how I'm feeling. My Dad is terminal with an aggressive brain tumour, it's turned out lives upside down. He now lives with me, so difficult caring for him and trying to keep it all together for my kids. 

It must be so tough being so far away from her. All I can say is that as time goes on you will get into a routine of some sort and that helps to get through each day and week. Take each day at a time, each hurdle at a time and try to enjoy your mum when you can while she is still here. Im sorry I can't offer any words of wisdom as I'm feeling similar myself, just thinking of you at this tough time. 

Take care of yourself x