Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Lost, scared and helpless

Manders01
Posted by

I feel I'm on an emotional rollercoaster, so god knows how my husband is feeling. He has Grade 4 lung cancer with a secondary tumour on his brain, recently diagnosed. He puts on a brave facade but I'm crumbling in front of him and others. I can't seem to hold it together as I know I should, afterall its hubby that's poorly, not me! I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm lost, I'm scared and helpless all rolled into one. I know the outcome won't be good with or without treatment and I feel guilty because I can't seem to control my feelings. Chemo starts on Monday, 5 hour session every 3 weeks x 4. I'm 52. Hubby 75 with very bad COPD too and still he holds it together.........is this a normal reaction or am I just being over sensitive? 

Mandie x

AprilTS
Posted by

I think your reaction is perfectly normal and understandable. The shock will calm down a little after a while, but the grief and sadness will stay with you. Talking to others will be very important for you to help you make sense of your feelings. I hope that and your husband will have a long and quality time together ahead. In the meantime, make the most of every day and treat yourselves to anything you want to do and try and focus on enjoying each others company as much as you can. 

April

Happily retired animal lover
Manders01
Posted by

Thanyou April

Mandie x

KellyW2302
Posted by

When my mum was diagnosed with cancer in August this year, I could barely even talk about it working falling apart. It got easier as I started trying to think of practical ways I could help her and my dad. 
Mum actually passed away on 7th October ages 59, I’m 29.  so now I have a whole different type of grief to deal with. But when she was first diagnosed it almost felt like I started grieving back then, just feeling so lost and hopeless. 
try not to dwell on the what may be. Try and focus on the time you have left and make the most of it. Try and put plans together of what you can do to help even if it’s just thinking of snacks and meals for your husband. Cry if you need to and don’t be afraid to ask for help or support from others when you need it. You still need to look after yourself too. 
sending all my love x

Puglover
Posted by

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time Manders. It sounds like you are having a completely normal reaction to an unbelievably difficult time. You still have to hold together a relatively 'normal' life around all of this and it is hard. 

I don't have any better advice than anyone else - but just to say, that in my experience of my mum being diagnosed with worst stage inoperable bladder cancer and lung mets 6 weeks ago, it was a sort of numbing shock, some really heavy low days and then other days where (with kids, work, house stuff etc) I'd realise that I hadn't really thought about it all day. It's odd. But then, we don't live together so I'm not going through it with her every day, though she is staying at mine when she has treatment as I'm nearer to the hospital. 

I'm a single parent so I'm mindful not to tire myself out - I'm taking it easy, lots of rest when I can and zoning out to non-challenging telly etc!

I expect he's likely to be really tired with treatment. Mum has just finished her first cycle of chemo and she's been whacked out for about 4 days and then perks up. I hope you can rest with him and then enjoy time together when he perks up. Hopefully there will be reduction in his disease with treatment and he'll have a good portion of quality time. 

It's not easy to know what to say. Just make sure you look after yourself too is all I can say really x