Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Mum diagnosed with stage 2B Melanoma

Lileh
Posted by

Hello,

I have just joined the community and would appreciate some support and guidance. I’m 26 and my mum has recently been diagnosed with skin cancer. She has had a wide local excision op to remove the skin around the affected area, but we have to wait 4 weeks for the results of the lymph node biopsy. 

I’m terrified of losing my mum but it’s something none of us are voicing yet until we wait for the results to see if the cancer has spread, but 4 weeks feels like a lifetime. 

Has anyone else struggled to cope in the long wait for results? I try to keep busy but it’s on my mind most of the time, all I can think about is the ‘what if’. 

Any help would be appreciated, thank you!

DAAD
Posted by

Hi   

Just wanted to say I feel for you. Waiting is sometimes worse than dealing with treatment .

It  is completely normal to think worse case scenario(I know I did )  but I want to give you encouragement to think positive .

p!ease don't  google it sends you places you don't need to be.  talk to  people on here that have been and are still going through this that will understand and help you with how things really  are . 

My Hubby was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma  over  2 years ago . He  had lymph nodes biopsy & unfortunately did need removal of lymph glands in his groin  . it had spread to his liver  BUT After few ups and downs and Immunotherapy we are now in position that he is on 3mth checks and for last 9 mths scans show no signs of any cancer . 

There is so much that  can be done these days .so try to stay focused on positive, take each day as it comes & whatever the results are you will get through it .

Don't bottle up your thoughts &feelings .if you can talk to family it's good but if your unable to do that. ask questions from people on this Or on the melanoma group 

People use it  for info or just rant & get things off their chest . 

Hoping for good results for your mum 

Big hug 

Soulmate33
Posted by

Hi ...we are 3 weeks into a 4-6 week wait for hubby’s results of ct scan and also sentinel lymph node biopsy . It feels like a lifetime ago since the biopsy but hubby is of the opinion no news is good news (I know that isn’t always the case but positivity is good) . 

Hubbys treatment (if any necessary ) maybe complicated by underlying health issues, we are trying to take each day as it comes and if he has a bad day,  tomorrow maybe better. We have both had “what if” moments and just want the uncertainty to end so we can deal with what comes next...hope your mum is doing ok and her results come through quickly x

KTatHome
Posted by

Hi and , I definitely agree that waiting is terrible and seems endless. I’m one of the champs from the melanoma group, I’m the patient so forgive me for popping in here, I was trying to reply to soulmate33’s post in the melanoma group but that post is having a technical issue so I thought I’d pop in here and read the good support you’ve already had emphasising that there are now some amazing results for people when it has spread, (I’m currently no evidence of disease after my diagnosis of metastatic melanoma in 2015).

I found with all the waiting for biopsies and scans when I’ve had wobbles in treatments that it really is a good life skill to cope with the wait and to pause worrying. I’ve found the Wednesday Wellness tips good, and the information and support sections on here good I’ll put in a link.  

https://www.macmillan.org.uk/information-and-support/coping/your-emotions/someone-close-has-cancer

I was thinking back about my first days of dealing with my diagnosis and talking to my husband, and I am thinking that actually it’s a very positive thing for both people to have what if moments and talk about them as it generally brings you closer together and more resolute to pull together to make the best of things. The waiting is the worst, and so illogical isn’t it, perhaps it’s the waiting that inspires all the time travelling science fiction novels !

My own technique for the wait has been to write my worries down, try and do this as briefly as possible not an essay, as the idea is to minimise the amount of time worrying and get on with life. Set a 10 minute period aside for worrying each day (not last thing at night as that has to be full of positive thoughts to get to sleep) I chose 10 to 6 so I can chop veg at the same time ! 

The CT results are taking longer at my hospital due to staffing it helps when you know when they are due to just know for what length of time it’s pointless to think about things as you can’t get the answer. I have found if you can’t stop thinking about it make it into a list of questions to ask at the next appointment. I saw that in the friends and family you’ve been told of a good success story on immunotherapy, in order for you not to worry so much, and I’d like to echo that from me, diagnosed metastatic melanoma in 2015 and currently no evidence of disease. I’m just looking forward to March when I come of treatment. 

When this lot of uncertainty is over for you, you might hit further patches, so for me I read the coping sections in Macmillan, some hospitals run courses for patients and partners, I know mine did last autumn, one day events for patients and partners, so sometimes it’s worth having a chat when you go to the hospital with the Macmillan support and information people as they may know of what’s around. My hospital also has a Maggies centre where you can do various activities or talk one on one. 

I hope you both find your way to cope with the wait and you let us know how you’ve got on and if you’ve any questions you think we can help with.

Best wishes

KT 

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