Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Mums cancer spread, so terrified.

Puggymama
Posted by

Hello all, I really needed to come in today as I'm just desperate to get some help. 

Mum has breast cancer and last year found out it had spread to her bones. It seemed to be well under control but around 3 weeks ago she started feeling unwell. The doctors scanned and scanned and found some liver mets. 

I have spoke to the consultants who read the scans. Light load on the liver, liver function is OK, no jaundice, good candidate for treatment. But she's home from hospital and we are managing the inflammation etc. 

Dad is at work, my husband is at work in another city, its just me in the house, this quiet house looking after mum who is sleeping quite a bit as her meds are making her drowsy. 

In speaking to her consultant he sounded positive but since Monday she has been home and I'm here on my own until after 5 when my dad comes home. 

The worry is eating me alive at the moment. I can't seem to retain the positives in my head from the consultant, I'm so tired and so frightened that I don't know what to do. I wake up and remember and I just feel so low and helpless, worrying about the future. 

Please help. 

Puggymama
Posted by

If anyone can help I'd appreciate it. 

buttercup01
Posted by
  • Dear Puggymama,

I just posted a reply to u n it's disappeared!

Basically, I said I was sorry no one in this group had replied to you, that I'm not a member but spotted your post in passing. I'm an ordinary member of the community, been living with kidney cancer for the past 14 years- including having a brain met in 2013 which was successfully treated.

Enough about me. 

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this alone. How about ringing the helpline on 0808 808 0000 to talk to someone?

You could also join the Liver, secondary tumours and Bone, secondary tumours group to get in contact with folk who know more about what your mum's experiencing, as well as the Breast cancer group

It's often harder for family n friends of those affected by cancer than the person themselves. Hope u soon  get some responses from those in this group . 

   Sending u  a big virtual hug x

PS Try not to think of what ifs, focussing instead of the now

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
buttercup01
Posted by

Btw, I'm still around if u want to talk to me instead, tho I'll have a different take on things of course

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Puggymama
Posted by

I'm just so very afraid and I feel very alone. Not sure how I'm going to deal with it all. She's having a bad day today, combo of not sleeping and a steroid on an empty stomach. Bht I'm watching her like she's about to break. 

buttercup01
Posted by

Hmm, steroid on an empty stomach not a good idea. Does she take it with breakfast normally? It'll keep her awake if she takes it before bed.

Is there anybody else - family or friends - u can talk to?

You could try distracting yourself, eg by reading a book, listening to music on headphones. Anything so you're not just watching her....

You r never alone with the support from the community

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Mandypandy
Posted by

Hi puggy, 

I'm sorry to see you're in this situation too.  Rubbish isn't it. 

I'm no expert but if you need to vent, I'm willing to listen..... X

M
Puggymama
Posted by

Yes it's not ideal. She's at the chemo clinic next week so we have a focus point which is helping. I'm taking a few hours off tomorrow but have worked to find a regime for her meds which seems to make her feel the best. 

It feels like a lot of pressure. I hope I'll get used to it. 

Puggymama
Posted by

Thanks so much, youve all been so nice. I know it sounds so basic but I don't want her to die. She's so young and vibrant it's just not fair. 

Mandypandy
Posted by

Sending you a big virtual hug  

M
Walsh
Posted by

Hi,there

just seen your post,I hope your mum is doing better,you sound so frightened,

i don’t know your situation but.i am 56 years old.I was diagnosed with breast cancer 2016,Thought I had beat it but no luck,was diagnosed 

April this year with bone and liver mets.I hope once the onocoligist puts a treatment plan in place for your mum things hopefully will get better.

I have a daughter who is 33 years old and she was so upset to hear my news,but now my treatment is in place she seems happier 

she knows that this awful disease will not be easy to bare,but we take each day as it comes.

You sound like a caring daughter,but remember if you become unwell with all that you are doing, and the worry that you have you will find it hard.

So try and not be to hard on yourself.

if you need to chat please feel free.

xxxxxxxx

Puggymama
Posted by

Thank you Mandy xxx

Puggymama
Posted by

Thank you Walsh, it was really good to hear from you. It sounds like your daughter and myself are similar in worrying about our mums. It's great to hear from you and I hope that your treatment is giving you back 

The last few days have been a mix really, mum is doing good, she's eating well, no pain or sickness. We are waiting on meeting her treatment team on Wednesday. I hope they will be positive. I find myself trying to avoid negativity at the moment as it unleashes fear that I don't need added to my mix. 

I went to counselling on Friday, I haven't told anyone but my husband but I just wanted to get a little support and be able to voice my worries, it really helped get some strategies to cope a little better. I'm going again on Friday, it's just a little space where I can speak my worries and not worry about supporting everyone else.

We are all just doing our best to support, being a team. Thank you for being so kind and concerned, I'm sorry you're having to deal with it too xxxx

Walsh
Posted by

Hi,

hope I am not keeping you up,you need rest.

So glad you have councilling,sometimes you do need to speak to someone else’s outwith family members,as you are all trying to

protect each other,and you don’t want to show your sadness,everybody deals with issues differently.

I will be thinking of you and your mum on Wednesday and very much hope that your mums onocoligist has a plan

Just to let you know.

I have many tumours in my liver,have bone cancer in my hips,pelvis spine.I am on Pablociclib and Letrozole, I have a bone strengther

every three weeks.

I have had my second scan and many of the tumours have shrunk.and rest are stable,to me this is great news.My bone cancers are manageable.I don’t take any painkillers.

I work full time as a receptionist.This keeps me thinking in a positive manner,but don’t get me wrong we all have bad days.

So I will stop rambling on,as you might have noticed I am up late,I don’t know why I am not tired tonight,

xxxx

buttercup01
Posted by

So glad to hear you're having counselling weekly n that your mum's got an appointment this week re a treatnent plan.

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.