Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Mum and I

Fatcoke
Posted by

I really dont know where to start, I had the tough job of telling my children and the rest of my family that I had breast cancer. I have had my surgery, which appears to be, and will start my radiotherapy in a few weeks. I was given this news on Wednesday, we were all so excited. I called and spoke to mum, and she was excited for me too, and explained that she had news of her own. She had been given a diagnosis of throat cancer that very day. I had only just managed, and I say that a bit tongue in cheek, come to terms with my own emotions, and got to the point where I could openly speak without crying and had stopped shouting at people just because they were breathing near me! My kids, they are in their early 20s, were managing well and we were all able to openly talk about how we feel, and then I had to tell them the news about their Nan, I dont think I need to go into detail on how they reacted to that, it was heart breaking.

I dont know where to turn now, I do not live in the UK, and mum does. I have siblings there, but they cannot understand this journey, only those that take it really do. I am having thoughts of putting my own treatment on hold and going to care for her, but she would not allow that, my kids would not be happy, and my head tells me that it is just the most ridiculous idea, my heart tells me she is more important, I need to hold her hand through all of this.

I am sure you all understand how emotional this journey is, and what a complete mind @@@@ it is, the games our mind plays with us is incredible, I feel guilty for not being there, I feel guilty for knowing that I have to complete my own treatment, I feel guilty for even considering risking my own health and how it would affect my children, but she is my mum. Even as I type I know how silly this all sounds, I know I should, right now, put myself first, but she is my mum.

I hate cancer, I really hate how it attacks at random, with no rhyme or reason, but mum and I, within 8 weeks of each other, this is just not fair, and I dont know what to do

buttercup01
Posted by

Hi Fatcoke,

I'm truly sorry u r going thru this double whammy. Your emotions must b all over the place, all the more so for  not being in the same country as your mum. I appreciate that u feel only those who've had cancer really know what it's about yet wonder if u can maybe share the burden of your mum's diagnosis and caring for her with your UK siblings?

R u by the chance the oldest child? ( We always feel we've gotta take the brunt with our parents)

If u can share all  this with your siblings it'll help u feel less guilty and so ultimately help your health too. You're right your mum wouldn't want u  to forego your treatment for her.

Take care of yourself. I hope u can somehow get to grips with all this. Have u rung the helpline for support?

0808 808 0000

Sue 

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
buttercup01
Posted by

Oops, I gave the UK no. Here's the one for overseas 

+44 0207 091 2230

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.
Fatcoke
Posted by

Hi Sue

thanks for taking the time out to reply, no I am not the middle child, I just consider myself to be the more sensible one! Maybe that is my issue. I want to be able to share with my siblings, and I hope that they will take up the challenge, well I know one of them will, but the other two need to support her, she is disabled herself, but is trying her best to cope with everything. I will try and speak to them, and see if I can make them understand.

Julia

buttercup01
Posted by

Btw, did u know there's a group  on here called "Living with cancer outside of the UK"

No, neither did I but I'm a librarian so used to ferreting out info x

Fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once we know what we're facing, we find the strength to deal with it.