Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Saying goodbye and are at

MrsBlueBird
Posted by

we are in what I think are the final stages now with my lovely mum. 

Mum has been battling stage 4 Ovarian cancer for the last 2 years and 6 months. This final part has approached fairly quickly and we have deteriorated massively in the last two weeks. 

For the first time today mum has not forced us to get her out of bed and is just sleeping, the nurses have been great and she now has a syringe driver to keep her comfortable. 

Mum has not eaten for the last two days so I know time is precious but I am just sitting here next to her not really knowing what else to do, we have calm music on, the room is peaceful. We are at home where she wanted to be.I just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom to get through this part. I am one of four but I think it is fair to say my siblings look to me to support them and my dad so am just checking in to see if anyone has any advice. 

We brought the children to see her last night and that was very hard but precious. Thanks in advance xx 

GRANNY59
Posted by

Hi Mrs Bluebird I am so very sorry to hear about how things have changed so quickly for you all as a family in such a short space of time.

It sounds to me that you are doing all that you can and your last sentence sums it up for me "Precious" and there can be no more precious time than  to be there with someone as you maybe just hold someones hand but that lets that person know that someone is there and that that someone cares enough to be there at such a difficult time and thats "precious" so maybe you dont need to do anything else but just be there and hold her hand.

 Sending some huge big hugs and some thoughts across the virtual world for you all.xxxxx

MrsBlueBird
Posted by

That’s very kind and helpful

thank you xxx

Lou12
Posted by

Hi MrsBlueBird

I just wanted to reply to your post to say sorry you at this stage with your mother it must be incredibly hard but it sounds like you have done and are still doing all you can for your mother.

I'm glad to hear you have supportive nurses helping you and you also have family around as well.  Hold your mother close and tell her you love her as I'm sure you have.

Sending you and your mother love

Louise x x x

K8EH
Posted by

Dear MrsBlueBird, 

I lost my mum today from ovarian cancer. On September 5th, she was diagnosed and unfortunately it was so advanced it went straight to pallative care - everything was against her. She was only 65 and at the beginning, deamed fit and healthy.  

My sister and I nursed her this last week - stroking her face, washing it. Brushing her hair. Telling her we loved her. Yesterday her last words to me before she fell asleep again was ‘love you’

I just wanted to tell you that being there for her now is all you need to do right now. My mum took great comfort from my sister and I taking on the 12 hour shifts to sit with her in hospital. Mum also loved ice cubes all this week - it was perhaps another comfort as she hadn’t eaten or drank for a long time. Just make sure you tell her everything you want to and that she mustn’t be afraid - I’m not sure if I believe in heaven but I kept telling her she would soon see my grandpa and this made her smile (she was very close to her dad) 

Sending you lots of love - cherish these last few moments.

Kate x

maisiemae
Posted by

Dear Kate and MrsBlueBird, Kate, so sorry to hear your passed today, you seem calm, oh how I wish I had been calm, I was demented, Im not sure if I believe either but it kept my mum from being too afraid of dying. Grief and the final weeks are such a personal journey as is the aftermath of all the shapes that grief throws at you. Mrs BlueBird, you sound like you are doing everything just as well as anyone could and with care and love, no more can be asked of you.  My mum has been parted from me for two years at 2.40 on 3.1.2019 and I miss her desperately every single day. I am lost without her.  Im can't say any of this is easy but knowing that I was there with her and told her everything and she me, the closeness will last me a lifetime so please don't hold back, anyone, say and do it now and don't live with regret as that will eat you up. love to you both in these difficult days x

Always Remember the Precious Moments x

MrsBlueBird
Posted by

I just wanted to say thank you for your kind replies, you were right being there was all that mattered. My lovely mum passed peacefully surrounded by us her family in the early hours of fri 12th October. This is the first time since I have had much time to come onto this site and reply. It has been so busy sorting arrangements. Sending you all lots of love it is a hard time but I am incredibly grateful for the time we had together even those more difficult caring moments.

I am glad mums suffering was not prolonged and she knew we were all with her in the end listening to how loved she was. I will always be grateful for those moments, 

Take care xx

K8EH
Posted by

Dear MrsBlueBird,

I’m so very sorry for your loss - the 12th was also when we said goodbye to our dear mum. As I’d mentioned above, she also had ovarian cancer, so I do understand a little. 

I was nodding to your message as I too felt the same - those precious moments we had with mum near the end. Comforting her and just being there - I hold close. It’s a comforting and warm feeling. And as time goes on, I don’t see that picture of my mum in hospital struck down by cancer in my head but that beaming, bright and positive woman. 

Look after yourself and the people around you and sending you lots of love. We’re all here if you want to keep talking at any point. 

X

MrsBlueBird
Posted by

Dear Kate, 

I am so sorry for your loss too we were lucky to have such strong mums - I feel the same in terms of memories. It is such a hard time. Take care and thanks again x