Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

How do people remember loved ones?

kirk22
Posted by

Do you have photos printed?

Do you plant trees for them?

Have casts of their hands done before the inevitable happens?

Be Brave
Posted by

What a great question! One I wish I had considered sooner. Perhaps another way to frame it for everyone might be "what do you wish you had done?"

A lot depends on how cooperative and responsive/able your loved one is. 


If I could go back,  I would make a fingerprint memento /piece of jewellery for sure. It just reflects how unique we all are. I regret I don't have that unique memento of my mum (AND we had bought the kit for my dad to do once she was diagnosed. He never did it! )


Second thing - I would make more time to talk to my mum about her life, her parents, our ancestry . It would be lovy to have a better record of her voice and to have more definite information about our family. 


Wishing you lots of love and strength at this tough time.  


Be Brave  xxx 

julie16
Posted by

My husband is now in the last stages of cancer and we have talked about this a lot since his diagnosis a year ago. He has written me a letter about his feelings for me (the only letter he has ever written me in this age of email) that I can read on tough days. He also bought me a polished stone with a small piece of lapis lazuli for the colour of my eyes which has been our travelling stone. We have taken it with us to all the lovely places we visited making memories and I will continue to take it on future journeys so that his memory always travels with me. 

I also have a lock of his hair which I am going to put into an old Victorian mourning brooch I have - a wonderful old tradition. These are things that we have done together but I think everyone will have different ideas on what is important to them. A lot of people record voices but we haven’t done that. 

Sending hugs at what is such a difficult time.  Xx

Belle3
Posted by

Those are beautiful ideas! I'm struggling to think of ideas to capture and treasure my dad who has terminal cancer with weeks left to live for me and my mum. I managed to record him (muffled) love you. Asked him to record him saying something but he doesn't have energy anymore or brain power. xXx

julie16
Posted by

Is he bedridden? I ask because if he is perhaps you could take one of his favourite shirts or jumpers that he no longer wears and have it made into a special cushion cover for your mum. Something to cuddle that will always remind her of him xx

Belle3
Posted by

I love this idea!! Top of my list now :) thank you! xXx

Angelminx
Posted by

oh this is a tough one, how do you encapsulate someone you love into a token,

It differs for everyone, each of us can know the same person yet conjure up different feelings, smells and words. So all I can say is what I have done when I lost people I have loved.

I have on many occasions planted things in the garden things that tie in with the person that you have lost. My Grandad had blue eyes and a big white beard and I had always called him captain birds-eye, When I lost him I found a white rosebush called captain Birds-eye, My Gran was a Smith so of course Granny Smith needless to say when I lost her I found an Apple tree " Granny Smith" I had a dear friend who was a bit "camp" in his mannerisms but liked wearing leather my nickname for him was "leather loving fairy" (no offence meant to anyone)), I'm a pagan at heart and the protector of fairies is a hawthorn tree so I planted one for him, and finally when I lost my dear dog of 18yrs for her she had a Rowan tree, protector of earth and spirit . each plant is personal for them, to others its just a plant to me it a living memory when they bloom and blossom it reminds me that their spirit still surrounds me,  I lost my mum 3yrs ago to this vile disease she loved her garden and while she was still with us I bought her the rights to name a rose the serial number was registered to her and I now have Jeans Girls seedlings coming on. I also named a star after my dad who I lost last year suddenly and when the sky is clear I can see Honest Jon sparkling at me, I guess im trying to say the memory is yours create your memorial ...

 

( I just talk to much)  

Tigger462
Posted by

I had bought a hand cast kit for my Mum last Mothers day but unfortunately she passed before I could use it, so I took private photos of us holding hands instead.

I also had a ring made with her ashes in so she's always holding my hand. 


I have 2 teddy bears made from her favourite clothing, And got 2 for my grandparents aswell. I have a glass angel in my bedroom window also with her ashes in, And a small glass heart containing some which I've placed inside a teddy so I can cuddle her.


She loved her garden so I made a special planter for her so I've somewhere to go and reflect if needed.


Maybe I went overboard but it all gives me comfort x

dkrniii
Posted by

My daughter and I are talking about what we want to do. My husband is still alive but is expected to die at any time. We did a three handed hold at his suggestion a few days ago and should have taken a photo but it never even occurred to us. We are planning to use some of his ashes to be made into glass hearts for us to hold and are already selecting shirts to make a memory bear and a small memory shirt for a teddy to wear. His Christmas jumper will be made into a cushion. It may seem odd that we are planning this while he is still alive but it is a way of filling time while we are waiting for the inevitable.  As there are lots of snowdrops out now that will be my memory flower.