Family and friends

If a member of your family or a friend, or someone else you know is living with cancer, this group is the place to share your feelings and get support.

Help and support for my mum

Rach121
Posted by

Hi my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer last april she as put up a good fight until now, i have been her main carer for the past year but finding it quite hard at the moment emotionally i hate to see her so distressed and feeling so low, every day is a struggle for her and im feeling quite angry as it seems no one cares we have a palliative care nurse out once a week for about 30 minutes thats the only help we get, should my mum be getting more help than this and could anyone please advise me on what kind of help i can get for my mum thank you xx

2014sara
Posted by

Hi Rach121

I’m sorry to hear about your Mum and the struggles you are going through. May I suggest that you give the helpline a call for advice about getting your Mum additional care?


You may also want to give her gp a call and request a care assessment. They will assess your mums needs and whether she would benefit from mobility aids to help her whilst she is at home. Eg hand rails, a chair for use in the shower, raised toilet seat etc.


Also talk to your own gp, let them know that you are a carer and what is happening. You need support too and they may also be able to provide advice and assistance to you.


Hope this helps.


Take care.


Sara

Yes pet
Posted by

Hey Rach, so sorry to hear about your mum. 

Our local GP was absolutely amazing with me Dad, she talked us through everything and got the District Nurses involved. 24/7 support and they were fab. 


Hope you get some additional support as it is a lot to take on but also you feel driven to keep your mum at home too. 


Sending you much love, Jilly xxx 

MezzyJRJ
Posted by

Good morning Rach121,

Thank you for sharing your journey with your mum. I'm so sorry to hear that it has been so tough. I'm sure you're being an incredible carer for your mum. I'm quite new to this journey (my mum was diagnosed with stage 3b ovarian cancer in feb) so forgive me if you already know of these, but have you heard of either www.pennybrohn.org.uk/.../ 

Or do you have a Maggie's centre nearby? They've been so helpful with advice, counselling, therapies, and courses and care for people with advanced cancer and their families. You could give them a call and find out what extra support you and your mum could get as well? 

I totally agree with you, it's very distressing and emotionally draining to see your mum in such pain and discomfort and sometimes as if no one cares. (Absolutely been feeling all of that) so be assured they do and charities such as this and the ones I mentioned could help. Just wanted to encourage you to get some rest in between times. Sending lots of love to you and your mum. X

Rach121
Posted by

Thank you sara I've contacted our gp he is doing a home visit today so hopefully my mum can get a little bit more support fingers crossed xx

Rach121
Posted by

Thank you jilly we have our gp coming today so hopefully we can get a little bit more support in place for my mum xx

Rach121
Posted by

Thank you mezzy i have heard of Maggie's  centre but never contacted them but it is on top of my list as soon as we have seen gp today thank you all for your kind words and advice means so much to me xxx much love to u all xx

2014sara
Posted by

Hi Rach, I’m glad to hear the gp is coming out to visit your mum. Hopefully they will be able to help put things in place. 

I think sometimes there is a lot of pressure on family to muddle through and “cope”. So please reach out and make it clear to the gp that you need help and can’t do it all on your own. It’s not failure, it’s getting the help that you and your mum need. I’ve found that saying you need help goes a long way. 


When my mother in law was terminally ill we found the best piece of advice was to plan ahead for future needs, not just what you need right now. Help is there but it can take time to put into place. So if you don’t plan ahead it can feel like you are always on the back foot and trying to catch up.


Good luck with everything.


Sara


MezzyJRJ
Posted by

Well done for all you're doing. Keep taking each day as it comes, celebrate the small steps, and remember no matter how dark days seem sometimes, you're never alone! X